Another update (if you care to read)

anarchist's picture

Today was a fucking good day! I'm actually really happy, and I think you can guess why. I had a really good conversation, nearly five full minutes in length (which is a lot for how it's been going), plus two shorter ones. It almost felt like the good old days. He started out really quiet and just unusual for some reason, and then by the end of the day, he had gradually shifted back to the state he usually is around me, so that was really weird. (There have also been unexpected occasions in the past when his voice would randomly get really quiet, but it would sound forced and breathy, too, like he thought he was talking a lot louder and trying to stay at a normal volume. If anybody here can tell me if that might mean anything psychologically, I'd be very grateful.)

Anyway, this may sound like a really stupid and petty thing to get excited about, but it's important to me. I think maybe this friendship will still work out. I'm starting to get used to all the spots where the two of us can encounter, and that was not easy to do. It was worth it, though.

Well, I don't want to write any more than that here, at the risk of looking even more obsessive than I already do, while also boring the readers with meaningless details. My mind is going blank, anyway, so bye for now.

Comments

elph's picture

I'm pleased...

I hope there are more such opportunities... and for longer periods of time. Ask him to go somewhere... have coffee.... something to chew on... and just talk!

I'm too exhausted right now, but promise more after I readjust to my new life. I just arrived home yesterday afternoon... and it will be a few weeks until activities become truly easy again! :(

anarchist's picture

Again, I don't like coffee.

He's a big coffee guy (and only drinks it black), but I'm not. Drinking coffee always makes me feel sick, and I just can't get into it. Anyway, the way things are I don't think we'll have time to organize something, since there tend to be a lot of variables that require planning out. I do look forward to sometime having longer conversations with him, though, because this definitely won't do for long-term.

Bosemaster42's picture

Hey,

Glad to hear your spirits are up. I know how hard it can be to strike up conversations out of the blue with a potential romantic interest. It sounds like your making yourself known to him and that will pay dividends. At the very least you can have a good friendship, although I hope it leads to more than that for you. I'm not real sure if his soft-tone really means anything. It's entirely possible that someone(family member, friend, or possibly that girl) may have told him his voice was too loud during a conversation that was intended to be more private? Who knows, I've known guys that whisper a lot, like everything they say is some kind of secret. Then there's the other side of that, when someone you're talking to seems to want the entire world to hear what they're saying, which tends to be a little arrogant, but that's more of an observation/opinion of mine. Have you mentioned to him about giving him guitar lessons? Oh and by the way, I liked your poem. It was cryptic, but I tend to write poems in a similar fashion. You have to read between the lines, if you will. Also, that's what poetry is anyway, expressing how you feel, regardless of genre.

elph's picture

The problem with "cryptic" poetry...

is that it's far too easy to read a mistaken message! The reliability of your communication channel is very low unless the important audience has knowledge of the codes employed! :(

anarchist's picture

But I am the important audience.

That's why I don't give a fuck about interpretation of my poem. Some of them seemed pretty straightforward to me, too, like that non-fictional one from Jan. 27.

anarchist's picture

What do you mean by making myself "known"?

We've known each other for about 18 months. We shared a hotel room in Boston, and we're already friends.

About the voice thing, it was so confusing because he was talking regularly while we were waiting around in the hallway, and as soon as we started walking, he just got a lot quieter, and his voice started sounding really forced somehow. And it hasn't happened a lot, just once or twice.

That girl's been giving me strange looks, too. It seems like she doesn't like me for whatever reason. I can't think of a single reason she'd have for disliking me considering I've never even spoken to her, so I am slightly confuse.

See my response above for the status on asking about meeting plans. I'm supposed to be meeting someone else sometime, too, so I've been trying not to make plans that could overlap.

Bosemaster42's picture

I know,

You've known him for awhile. Bad choice of words on my part. What I meant is you seem to be talking to him more frequently. You had mentioned being a little frustrated at not being able to have a conversation with him. Or the girl was talking to him when you would see him in the hallway. In short, you're getting more chances to talk to him.
I wouldn't perceive the girl doesn't like you because of how she looks at you. It's possible she could be wondering why you haven't acknowledged her or said hi to her. Of course, I'm guessing here.
If his voice changes while your walking, maybe he has trouble with breathing? It's not that uncommon especially at a brisk pace.

anarchist's picture

Yeah, I am getting used to this new schedule.

I've figured out the best places to be at the certain times, so I think I'll be able to have daily chats, if only very short ones. Now that you mention it, she probably is just confused of who I am. Maybe this guy doesn't have as many friends as it seems; oddly enough, I've never actually seen him with other people in his grade, since he's a year younger than I am, so I have no idea how many friends he has in the school. I only ever see him talking to two other people, including the girl mentioned here, and I've been told that he's quiet around people who don't know him well. So it would kind of make sense for her to be confused at an outsider having conversations with someone in such a small circle. But this is all speculation.

It wasn't a breathing problem, because I've played sports with him a lot and that's never happened from exhaustion.

Bosemaster42's picture

Well,

It's a little odd, but I'm out of ideas as to why he does that.
Girls are pretty sensitive, so that could be a possibility. The next time you run into her or both of them, just say hi to her and introduce yourself. See how she reacts to that.

anarchist's picture

It's turned into a bigger deal than it should have been.

Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up at all, since it was just a strange thing that I think only happened once. And that one girl's opinion of me also isn't very important to me, so I don't think it's worth it to talk to a stranger out of nowhere, considering she's never relevant to anything the two of us discuss (and it seems like she never even understands what we talk about, since most of it is just stuff between us).

Bosemaster42's picture

Well,

I don't think it's anything to worry about, but yeah, that's cool.
Her opinion may not be important or relevant, however, you mentioned
that you thought she didn't like you, which seemed to bother you. She's not a stranger, she's one of your peers. My suggestion about saying hi or introducing yourself is strictly for being cordial. I mean, would it hurt you to say hi? It's not like you would be showing interest in her, just be more friendly.

anarchist's picture

Also,

he approached me for the first time today in the hall, which for some reason hasn't happened before today, probably do to shyness or something related. Again, this is something really small, but it brightened up my mood even more than the previous conversation earlier today had. We've been talking a lot more lately, and as a result my misanthropy and depression levels have gone down significantly. I could probably just skip my fourth period (online) class and just hang out at his lunch sometime in the future. It almost happened today.

Bosemaster42's picture

Obviously,

You have a crush on him, otherwise your spirits wouldn't be lifted in his company.

anarchist's picture

Yeah.

I already knew that. Why did you point it out?

Bosemaster42's picture

Because,

It was relevant to what you said your mood was.