black upon black

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Black
upon black
upon black

it is not easy to see your face
and not recognize its contours
it is not easy to see your body
and feel that
it belongs to another.

Red
upon red
upon black

the lines are wrong
the lines are false
this is not my body
this cannot be my body
it was not
meant to be this way.

damn this cock
damn these disgusting
glands
that poison my blood
that poison my body
cause this falsehood
this wrong.

were there a god I would curse him
for the fate
he assigned to me:

a body that is wrong
a body that is sick
a body that is disgusting

a mind that is broken
a mind that is fractured
a mind that has splintered into
pieces.

damn you!
Damn it all!

black
upon blue
upon green

the bruises
the blood
i could spill
but shan't spill

my rage does not extend
to the point that
i would torment my body
to match
the torment of my mind
my fury does not reach
out to others
that I would spill their blood.

i could
but I would not live
with myself for such a thing.
violence is
vulgar
disgusting.

Black
upon black
upon black

the void
into which my mind
falls
as I drift
to the twisted homeland
and sleep