Drunk journal

Mogul's picture

So today we had a BBQ at some friends house with all my classmates and I eventually ended up at some friends house with my best friend and got talking about stuff for like two hours until we felt like going back there, but I got really drunk plus I hadn't eaten anything; after like there's shots of aguardiente I was already tipsy and then I took some more and mixed with whiskey so I got drunk really fast. I hugged everyone, told I loved them, probably gave them a kiss on the cheek and went to hug someone else; my best friend stole my phone so I wouldn't do some stupid stuff that I would regret later, anyways when the aguardiente was over and my friends wouldn't let me drink more, I let my body start the process of getting sober. When my best friend was going to some friends home I took him to somewhere in the road and told him mostly anything that I felt for him, but explained that I knew that nothing would happen because he's straight and stuff, we hugged a lot, I kissed his gorgeous face and I heard one of my friends that really think that we're a couple said that out loud about our weird relationship and stuff I can't remember well, anyways I owe him a call when I wake up and probably won't remember any of this. Plus when my mom picked me up I tried to act sober and I guess it worked.

Goodnight people, I hope I don't get any hangover and that my relationship with my best friend stays the same.

Pd: probably tomorrow I'll post what's going to happen

Comments

elph's picture

Sounds like you've now jumped that hurdle :)

Now... I'm anxiously hoping that your next "sober" encounter is everything you'd wish.

Fingers crossed here; keep your Oasis friends updated!

Mogul's picture

Update:

The weekend was horrible, lucky I didn't get any hangover and my parents never realized how drunk I was.

On Monday my best friend was sick and I felt like shit.
Today was the most awkward day of my life, we didn't talk or even make eye contact, he just said one joke to me and it was done, I feel ashamed for what I did and now there's this emptyness in my life and it's is starting to fill with sadness, plus I don't feel like I have the strength to talk to him.

anarchist's picture

I feel pretty similarly.

Looks like we're both pretty miserable and lonely right now.

Mogul's picture

I'm always miserable and lonely

But this shit makes those feelings grow stronger and unbearable.

jeff's picture

Well...

Friendship tends to be more durable than people think. Even drunk, it didn't sound like you said anything worrisome. You said you would be all up in his gear, but he's straight so it won't happen. Now you just have to push through the awkwardness and find your new dynamic. I mean, you can easily make you being gay and his being straight and your crush sort of your "thing."

You need to separate out your friendship from the whole vision of him as your perfect boyfriend, etc., since the friendship was always real and the boyfriend thing was a fantasy (assuming he's straight. Did he confirm this? You just sort of declared his sexuality for him in your retelling above). So, mourn the fantasy, deal with the reality.

You'll figure out a way to figure this out, unless you keep getting drunk and going after him, heh.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Mogul's picture

I could say that things got better.

I had been trying to kill those feelings for a while and everything was perfect until I got drunk, but now that I'm sober I could say that most of those feelings died, plus this week things got better, the awkwardness is dying and we're getting back to normal, we even started making our typical sexual jokes.

Extra update: I could guess that there's another gay or at least bi classmate and I found some extremely cute 8th grader, that's making me kinda feel attracted to him and those feelings aren't normal for me.