my homeland

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

the homeland?
i know it well
the wastes take up most of it
and the fissures
split the lands
into canyons and cliffs

in my homeland once i pushed a man
into the fissures
i wanted his man and so
i decided to remove him
i learned to regret
i loved him
he was a friend
and he died by my hand

the homeland is not real
the homeland is not fantasy
the homeland is broken
the homeland is twisted

i cannot stay for long in my homeland
for even the pleasant moments
are soon perverted
and become dark

in my homeland i have seen children forced to dance
by a shadow
who smiled at me
and made me watch the children snap their own necks.
i willed them to get up
but the image remains

in my homeland i watched my friends
and family
possessed by a parasite

in my homeland i have danced with the dead
and made love on the back of a serpent

in my homeland i see regrets
fears
and fragments of memories lost

in my homeland i have died a thousand times
but have never received the relief of death

at times i fear
that one day i will not return
and i will no longer see a difference between my homeland
and this place

at times i fear
that i will awaken from this life
to return to my homeland
and live forever
under orange skies
and fractured glass
where the mirrors show truth
but never the truth you want

my homeland has beauty
in places
joy
in places
but in truth i fear the wastes too much
and cannot return for fear
of shadows
and fragments
and the fractured glass that hangs above my head
the glass that shows me the things i never wanted to know

but at least in the wastes i am sane?