O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!

swimmerguy's picture

1. Shit. Today, while I was busy making pizzas at work, these girls came in. And if I was straight, I guess these are the girls such straight young guys as the hypothetical me is supposed to be massively attracted to. They didn't have much money, but wanted to order a pizza. After wrangling over whether they could afford a ranch cup (only 55 cents, but overpriced for that) I told them "I can give you 2 dollars off that pizza, there's a special going on, so special it's only for you."
It was late in the shift and I was ready for a break and a laugh. But maybe I laid it on a little thick. So I made their pizza and threw it in the oven, then I had to go in the back and furiously mix up some sauce, we were low.
But when the girls came back for their pizzas, they asked for me by name("Chad", I told them when asked, "sometimes on the phone, when I'm speaking quickly, people hear Jeff, or Jake, or Dan or anything else."), so I specifically could be the one to give them their pizza. The girls said they'd be back to see me later.

I dunno. I've never been too disappointed with my looks, and I don't know if I would be no matter how I looked, considering I don't really put too much stock in myself. And while I hope I would be the last person to take personal credit for something as inane as looks, I'm pretty sure I've attracted girls solely on that front before, considering girls have asked me out that don't know me in any other way but what they can suck up with their eyes.
While I certainly don't object to the way I look, I'll be annoyed if, in this case, it seems to be getting girls I don't want. Should I be less casually flirtatious when bored? Or is there even anything I can do?
I guess I'm flattered they could take me as worth something, but I hope to God they don't take this any further than casually flirting over the counter. I'm so tired of people getting mad at me because I have to tell them I can't ever love them romantically or sexually because of their genitals.

2. Sometimes I wonder if my main problem isn't just too much spare thought capacity. Sometimes I try to sit and just think about something in particular, with nothing else around to do.
But it never works. My thoughts always flit around to something or other, remarking at what they find interesting, etc. I can only get really productive thinking done if I'm reading something like The Economist and I take a moment to reflect, or if I'm in a natural setting sometimes, with a hot coffee to sip, or when I have something else to do.
That's a large part of the reason I walk home through the woods and bike through the woods. Not only is it good exercise and relaxation, it's really the only time of day I can get really productive thinking done, besides small insights. Maybe that's why it's so relaxing.

There is one exception: when I'm buzzed, or even on my way to flat-out drunk. I notice a few things: I seem to be much better at the piano. I don't know if I actually am or if I just sound better to my drunk ears, but I certainly get into the music much more fully and emotionally.
Or I can actually sometimes think really good things, if I'm not really too drunk. Because I'm so fuddled, I don't have all this excess thought capacity flying off to think of other things, I can focus so heavily on one thing.

Like tonight. Tonight I had either the best or second-best experience I can ever call up at will. (It vies with mountain climbing).
Getting drunk and then listening to Beethoven's Ninth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljGMhDSSGFU
The first and second movements make me feel powerful beyond belief. The third movement makes me cry. And I wildly conduct the fourth, getting into the delicious, beautiful interplay of voices calling for the brotherhood of all humanity and the beauty of joy!
All I need to do is get drunk to get rid of all that spare, useless thought capacity, then all possible distractions. I black out my room, and lie down in front of my stereo, up at full blast, me ears equidistant from each speaker, so I have nothing to do, nothing in the world to think about, but getting lost in, truly starting to understand the unbelievable, deaf genius that was Ludwig Van Beethoven.
I never get tired of it. There's nothing in the world better.

I hardly ever listen to pop music, so often the only time I get exposed to it is when the bus driver plays it on the morning bus. But what I hear, and I don't know if these are the most popular songs or not, but what I hear is mostly a lot of songs that are short, 2 to 6 minutes for the most part, fairly simple and predictable, and very upbeat and inspiring.
While I don't really mind such tunes, I get unbelievably tired of them. Why do we think our music is so much better than music used to be? Have we lost the need for the vast, sad-happy soundscape of the 3rd movement? The wrathful power of the long first movement? Or the beautiful sounds of the fourth?
O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!
Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen
und freudenvollere!

Freude, schöne Götterfunken.
Tochter als Elysium.
Wir betreten feuertrunken,
Himmlische, dein Heligtum!
Deine Zauber binden wieder,
Was die Mode streng geteilt;
Alle Menschen werden Brüder,
Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt!

I sing.

3. I have a friend in a few classes. I've noticed him in previous years, mostly for being really, really hot, but not really befriended him until this year.
I'm glad to be friends with him.
Today in English we were writing poems. First, haikus.
He wrote one about me:
Chad is beautiful.
He makes everything better.
Chad is so lovely.

Then we wrote poems with syllables based on the Fibonacci sequence.
Here's what he said:
We
all
will love
Chad and his
beautiful gold hair
for the rest of his existence
.

He was probably kidding, but I'd really love to pretend he's not.
I gave him a friendly massage today. He really appreciated it, although, honestly, I was happy to do it. Not just because it's practice for a useful skill, but because he's really hot so I don't mind touching him one bit.
I almost wish he wouldn't breathe so hard during such massages though. It gives me a bit too much desire for what I can probably never have.

Comments

elph's picture

A "friendly" massage?

OK… you may use that adjective, but is it not a futile attempt at misdirection? :)

Anyway… there had to have been an exceptional epilogue (once you arrived home) that you've chosen not to share?

****

That heavy breathing was almost certainly a "dead give-away" wouldn't you think? If there's another such opportunity (fingers crossed)… stop midway, roll over on your stomach and see what happens. I'd be very surprised if he didn't see this as an invitation to reciprocate!

But remember: keep it "friendly!"

anarchist's picture

"we think our music is so much better than music used to be"

Oh my god; the ridiculousness of that statement is just too much. I don't even know where I would begin with that. Please just think about this more next time you feel like saying it. Anyway, my bus driver plays some fucking awful music on the radio. It was terrible when my headphones broke on me, so I couldn't even get away from it.

You may be interested in this song's lyrics (specifically its syllables), based on the poetry method you shared:

I sort of know how you feel in the third part, if only in a vague way. I sort of get that hope for sincerity beneath those jokes, but not on the same level as you, since that's never been part of my sense of humor (and therefore hasn't ever occurred much in my interactions with people). Have fun with your attraction, though, even if it's mostly physical.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

ummm

I think he was asking why people think it's better, not saying he does. Could be wrong, though. But there was a 'why' before the 'we' in the original sentence...

* * *

“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE." - AM

anarchist's picture

I know.

That's what makes it a ridiculously ignorant and inaccurate statement.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

So...

Basically you're saying that it is ridiculously ignorant and inaccurate to state that older music might be better than newer music?

My, but you're a judgemental, opinionated kid. Perhaps your opinions aren't the only ones with merit, mm? Perhaps it's a subjective matter? Even more, who are you to say that anyone else's statement is ridiculous?

Gracious, I hope your friends never disagree with you. I fear they'll end up on the sharp side of a metaphorical stick.

* * *

“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE." - AM

elph's picture

Not very tactful...

But someone had to say it!
Thank you.

anarchist's picture

Yes.

It makes no sense to say that old music is better than new music because every period of time has always had good and bad art. It's easy to look back to the past and only see the best musicians from the era because those are the only ones who are remembered. Some folk music from Beethoven's time was just as simple as the music from this era that Chad criticized above. Comparing the worst music from today with the best music of the Baroque period is just obviously biased.

That isn't even what I was saying, though. Nobody thinks that new music is better than old music (or at least not the majority of people). The majority of people listening to pop are just doing so because they're either too lazy or too preoccupied with other activities to listen to anything other than what's delivered to them by the media. People still have much more respect for Mozart, Bach, or sometimes Stravinsky than for Katy Perry, or even the Beatles. But they're intimidated by the complexity and the obsolete progressions to which we are no longer accustomed to spend the time required to get into older classical music.

swimmerguy's picture

Perhaps I should have qualified...

When I usually talk about a vague "people", it can usually be assumed I'm usually talking mostly about teenage douchebags, and to a lesser extent, those same douchebags when they are aged teenage douchebags.
And among that admittedly narrow group, or at least among the incredibly narrow slice of that narrow group I know, most individual people think the music they specifically listen to is better than older music played with non-electric instruments. Most people are incredibly lazy, and they might like Beethoven if they had the ethic and maturity to take time to listen to him, but that doesn't change the fact that these specific people reject him, and people like him, out of hand.

And they find meaning in the music they listen to, even though it usually seems to me most songs have the same sort of (I'm in a breakup, and it hurts so much, but I'm such a strong person I'll never give up, party party party etc etc) meaning to them. They don't consider that they'd probably like Beethoven if they just had the time to listen to him.

And neither was I saying there was anything wrong with such an attitude, if they're happy I'm most definitely happy, I don't have the time to worry about inane shit from other people's lives. Nonetheless I was questioning why such a belief should exist.

Perhaps I was painting with too broad a brush, or should have couched my statement, but to be honest, that wasn't even a very important statement to me. While I believe in that statement under the conditions I've described, here I was simply using it as a transition to the topic I wanted to talk about more in a quick journal on a website few people visit or read anymore.
If such statements offend you, apologies, though you may be less enraged by reading scientific studies, where the language is formal 'and rarely overstated, instead of online journals written by douchebags with no sense of subtlety.

lonewolf678's picture

On the music thing.

Music which is art, is always subjective. Basically someone's going to like it or hate it, it's been that way for centuries. My advice, invest in a nice set of headphones, drown out the crap and enjoy your favorites on the go. That's what I've started to take up, maybe it will work out for you as it has me.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

"I don't really put too much stock in myself."

Why not? You seem to be a worthy investment.

"I'm so tired of people getting mad at me because I have to tell them I can't ever love them romantically or sexually because of their genitals."

You not being interested is probably what gives you the confidence that makes them find you interesting and different. If it were a hot guy, you'd clam up and not say anything, no? So, with your assumed heterosexuality, you being uninterested because you're gay isn't a known quantity, so it just comes off as casual confidence, which is appealing.

"when I'm buzzed, or even on my way to flat-out drunk. I notice a few things: I seem to be much better at the piano. I don't know if I actually am or if I just sound better to my drunk ears, but I certainly get into the music much more fully and emotionally.
Or I can actually sometimes think really good things, if I'm not really too drunk. Because I'm so fuddled, I don't have all this excess thought capacity flying off to think of other things, I can focus so heavily on one thing."

You almost hit on it at the end there. I think the alcohol/pot sort of shuts down the internal critic you may have, so you can enjoy playing the piano for the sake of it, rather than critiquing how much better you could be, etc.

That's sort of the attraction of drugs/alcohol, similar to how people use them at bars/clubs to shut down the voice to go up to someone they find attractive, etc.

"All I need to do is get drunk to get rid of all that spare, useless thought capacity, then all possible distractions. I black out my room, and lie down naked in front of my stereo, up at full blast, me ears equidistant from each speaker, so I have nothing to do, nothing in the world to think about, but getting lost in, truly starting to understand the unbelievable, deaf genius that was Ludwig Van Beethoven."

You can also learn meditation to shut down the ADD...

"Why do we think our music is so much better than music used to be? Have we lost the need for the vast, sad-happy soundscape of the 3rd movement? The wrathful power of the long first movement? Or the beautiful sounds of the fourth?"

One is taught to you by the culture and your peers, the other you have to sort out on your own. Given the option, the easy path often wins.

"I'm glad to be friends with him."

You're already at "Friends with..." only one word away!

"I don't mind touching him one bit. I almost wish he wouldn't breathe so hard during such massages though. It gives me a bit too much desire for what I can probably never have."

Your goal would be finding out whether or not you can remove that probably. An easy joke can often lead to deeper revelations. "I'd offer you a happy ending, but people might stare..." It's either a joke or an option. Never know... ;-)

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles