So this is a pretty long poem that gets really personal and weird and stuff. I hope y'all like it, it took me two hours

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Fuck it
Fuck it
Fuck it

Next person I hear uses the word tranny
I'm ripping out their eyes
I'll tear out their throat
with my teeth.

Fuck it.

So yeah it's like
I'm afraid to go outside
cuz
I feel like if I do
people will see me but not see me.
like
I'm a fucking girl
but if I'm not wearing a dress
or frills
or something form-fitting I'm
just a boy.
I'm not a fucking boy
fuck you fuckers.
I shouldn't have to convince you
I shouldn't have to wear
shit I don't want to wear
so that
you fuckers will recognize
what I am.

So you cunts
you can fucking take your
ideas
about what it means to be a girl.
I'm what I am
and I decide what that means
I decide what I am
Who I am
Why I am.

hate
hate
. hate

So full of rage
a tranquil ocean
with writhing currents beneath
so full of hate
the silence that I crave
the wrath that i can't release
the violence I could unleash

there are creatures in
the deepest reaches
things that no-one sees
and things that no-one
wishes
-to see-
the wrath of osse
is to behold
the fury of that tranquil water

FUCK IT

dGhlIHNlYSBpcyBteSBmcmllbmQsIHRoZSBzZWEgaXMgbXkgc3Bpcml0

That's base64

I have no spirit animal
i feel no kinship with the beating of their hearts
but the heart
the roar
the serenity
of the last mystery
of our earth?
to this I feel I am kin.

the tide crashes against me
as i look to the horizon
where the grey of the sea
and the gray of the sky
and the grey of the air
and the gray of the mind
Meet
and Mingle
there is beauty there
in that endless grey.

the clouds in the mountains that
struck me as fog
they blocked out the sun
that aught but the clouds were found
in the sky.
The green there was greener
the blue there was purer
the beauty unsullied by man's
touch
the bleakness
and hope
that I felt on that tundra
was nothing
if not life-changing
the beauty of the mountains
can challenge the beauty
of the sea.

i think of these things
I feel that i must
Dree the weird weird
the fremd weirds
weird me
with weird power
and fremd delight.

Ye norns!
You, Urd!
You, Verthandi!
You, Skuld!
Why do you delight
in my suffering?
Have I offended you?
Ye Morrigna!
You, Greatest Badb!
You, Fairest Macha!
You, Gentlest Annie!
What doom hast thou doomed for me,
the first and last child
of my mother,
my mother who has such
faith in the God
of Abraham,
He
whose missionaries drove
ye from your native land?
is the war in my mind
your doing,
ye great goddesses
of strife
and death?
whom have I to blame
for the boiling ocean
whose furious
Waves
beat the cliffs
of my mind into rubble
whose tides
drown me in endless
screaming?
whom have i to blame
for the twisted homeland
to which i return each night?
Whom have I to blame
for
the living House
that encases me?

and
if i have no-one to blame
how must i face
the horrors that await me
in that roiling current
beneath that beautiful
tranquil sea?

i know how I must face
these things

(But
that does not soften
the Blow),

i must accept
that Shadow
that Shade
that Sinistré child
(She whom i have blocked from My mind)
as ME MYSELF
so i may no longer
hyde from ME MYSELF
and so
i may no longer drown
in MINE OWN dreams.

but...

it is easier said
than done
to accept the truth:
that we cannot
hyde from OUR-SELFS

tyger tyger burning bright
in the forest of mind's night
if awake at night you lie
accept THY fearful symmetry

fearful symmetry
we are not complete
we are halves
for hyde is I
and i am I
and We are I
only when i
accept OUR-SELF

i have probably lost
the attention of my readers
if you read on
i am
impressed

I do not pretend
to speak the Truth
merely the truth
i do not pretend
to know
anything beyond
that which i have decided
is i

i'd like you to know
you
my reader

if you've come this far
and listened to
my mind's
mouth,

i love you.

i may not know you
but
i love you.

you are worthy of
Love
and you are worthy
of Life
and you are a flame
in the night
of existence

you are the light
in the void

and you ought
burn bright

i hope that when you find
yourself in doubt,

when
you find yourself in the
forest of the night
you will remember
that
You
Are
Worthy

never doubt it
never doubt
your worth
your light

even as i drown
in my own broken mind

and I burn to
ash

and i break into fragments

and I fear for who i am

and I fear for who i was

and I fear who i will be

I want you to know
that i want you to know
that
you have hope
and i have hope
and there is
a happy ending in there
somewhere

we just have to work at it.

all the hate i feel
the rage
the fear
the fury

it doesn't define me.

it may shape me,
it may break me,
but it never has
and
never will
define me.

don't let your demons define you.

don't let the night scare you
cuz
that shadow you see
that devil after you
that thing you're hydeing from out of that fear
which you don't understand
why you're feeling

it's you.

but that's all the shit i wanna say
in this poem now
i guess i'll write another
poem
later
cuz i feel like going back to
my ocean
and watching the waves
crash against the shore
and watch the clouds pass
over
through
between
the mountains.