This is too much for a dream journal

anarchist's picture

Please be more active, Oasies. I'm feeling lonely right now with the lack of multiplicity in people offering help. The site's just down to elph and me now. When I need your guidance the most, you abandon me.

_ -||^ - -

I listened to SleepResearch_Facility while starting my nap today and ended up having around five really long and complicated dreams in only about 2 hours. I didn't know that was even possible, but I'm not complaining. Maybe I should do that more often. I guess falling asleep with such a deep, spiritual wonder forming in my mind is very healthy to the psyche. I'm pretty sure I didn't even know where I was when I was drifting out of consciousness. It was so peaceful. I've finally discovered the best way to listen to SRF.

Anyway, I got my report card today and found a confusion with the classes. It says that I'm supposed to be in the other health class, instead of the one I've been going to (because nobody told me where to go). This is big news for reasons previously stated, so I will try and use this opportunity to switch classes. I hear the counsellors are impossible to get to right now, though.

It seems that this time away from YKW is intensifying my feelings, which is not healthy at all. I will try harder to get some regular conversation; I had an opportunity today, but I felt like being alone and didn't go for it. I later regretted that.

Comments

swimmerguy's picture

Would it help if I actively abandoned you?...

he said as he joked through his ass...

Speaking of which, I haven't noticed Jeff around here recently, oddly enough...
And meanwhile, how could you go to the wrong class? Didn't it say where to go on your schedule at the beginning of the year, or didn't the teacher mention you weren't on the roster?

anarchist's picture

I apparently was on the roster somehow.

I didn't get a schedule at the beginning of this semester, though. I just went where everybody else from my PE class went. But my report card says that I'm in the other class, even though the online schedule doesn't. So I hope my counsellor gets back to me on that. Even if it doesn't mean anything, I'll still try to switch classes, because this really sucks. I'm thinking they accidentally put me in the wrong class before the semester began, and then switched me back after the report card was already done.

Bosemaster42's picture

Hey,

At least you went to 'A' class. Back in my High School days, someone or the computer, didn't schedule me into a PE class. I took the low road, I said nothing about it and used the free period(at the time, my PE class would have been either first thing or late day) so I used it a free period. And yes, it wound up biting me in the ass in my senior year, because lo & behold, you can't graduate without Gym credit. I never understood that and still don't. Frankly, I was reasonably athletic for a stoner, if you will, I worked out at a local gym, played hockey, football and other sports, so I really didn't feel the school system could fail me, but they can. I had to pay and attend a week long camp in Maine to get my gym credit, so it all worked out, I just couldn't take it easy like most seniors in my class.
So, you finally found a guy you're interested in huh? It doesn't sound like you know for sure if he's 'straight' or otherwise just yet. You should definitely make it a point to try and talk more with him, privately, if possible. You should definitely offer him some guitar lessons. That would get the ball rolling, at least.

anarchist's picture

Check the previous journals if you haven't already.

They'll help you figure out what's going on. I'm not complaining about the PE class, but about the class ending and having to go to health instead. I loved PE. I got to move, wake up, and spend a whole period with the guy you just found out about. It was perfect. (And I really love how he'd always try to get close to me, I actually felt like I wasn't just an unwanted, useless jackass.) Now, though, he seems completely undisturbed by the fact that we've spoken with each other twice last week, and not at all this week. Whenever I see him, he's always with this girl I don't know anything about, and there's only one opportunity in the day to talk to him when he isn't in a conversation with her, so that sucks.

I'd like to do something with him, but haven't really gotten an opportunity to make plans. I don't have enough time for that, unless I just skip a period and talk during his lunch.

tl;dr I like gym, I hate health

Bosemaster42's picture

Yeah,

I understand that, I just mentioned my own situation because it was a scheduling snafu similar to yours, except I took advantage( or at least thought I did) of the free time. I didn't hate PE either, I just didn't care for participating in activities that seemed useless at the time with people I didn't know very well. I have to agree with you about health classes though, I wasn't very fond of them either. Kind of a joke really. Most of what is taught should be basic common sense.
Hmm, so you don't know if the girl he's talking to every day is his girlfriend. Have you ever considered walking over to him when he's talking to her? Or, just walk by and say hey(name) what's up? I realize you probably think that to be rude, see how he reacts to it. Or, if you see that girl in the hall or at lunch, whatever, ask her if she's dating him.

anarchist's picture

I think it's safe to assume

that they're in some sort of relationship. I have spoken with him while he was with her, and he just basically acted like she wasn't there the whole time, even though they were holding hands. He just completely ignored her and had a conversation with me. And he's never mentioned her to me. Once we even made eye contact in the hall, and he just stopped talking to her and went his own way (though that last one may have just been a timing coincidence; I'm just listing everything that could be relevant). So it seems that there are three main possibilities: I'm not to know about her, he forgets about her when in conversation with me, or he just doesn't care about her period. I don't have enough information to accurately guess which of these three it is, but the third one seems the least likely, since he seems to have some level of enjoyment from her company, but only occasionally does he look that way. I never really see him smile the way he used to while we were in PE together, but that could just be because I only ever see him in the hall these days.

And yeah, I have a bit of social anxiety, so I get really nervous about talking to people when they're in conversation with someone else. Approaching people in general is difficult for me when I'm as tired as I am on schooldays. (It seems like I can talk to strangers pretty easily when I'm well rested and not at school.)

By the way, I also know people who have put off PE for three years and will have to take it in senior year. I, however, am very happy that I took the class when I did, because it led to some really good times. It was the only class that was actually enjoyable, anyway, so life is just awful now.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Hmm...

I'm not sure 'multiplicity' is the word you're looking for there, or at least, its meaning is a little esoteric compared to other passable words (unless 'diversity in elements' is really what you were going for in which case I applaud your knowledge of the English language).

As for abandonment... I do apologize if you feel abandoned. I doubt you were talking about me, given my sporadic appearance on the site, but nonetheless I'm sorry about that. I feel that I should, however, point out that it may be a bad idea to put your trust in Oasis' being there for you, given that its population is sporadic at best. It may be wise to begin seeking out other places of refuge, yes?

That's an interesting administrative error. Were you on your current class' teacher's list of names at the beginning of the semester?

* * *

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.

anarchist's picture

The health teacher I have right now,

or at least the one I'm going to right now, doesn't teach PE, so I didn't have her at the beginning of the year. So no, I wasn't.

I wish I could find some other place as well, but I don't know if there is one like this place.

As for you pointing out the word multiplicity, that's a bit of a coincidence, because I'm currently playing this song right now:

Oh, and yes, that was what I meant by the word.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Hum

Sounds like a problem. I hope it turns out well, aye?

I honestly don't know, either. I sometimes wish that this place were more like it was when I first came here. It's sad to see it dying. :-/ But I suppose that with the atmosphere of the LGB+ community as it is, people may not feel the need for the site anymore.

I rather like that song, actually. I'll have to listen to more like it.
And in that case I'm really impressed- I didn't know that word, and I'm pretty proud of my knowledge of English archaisms and esoterica.

* * *

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.

anarchist's picture

I still need the site.

Nobody I know cares about the problems I put here, and I'm lonely.

Anyway, if you want more like that song, just listen to any studio album recorded by Earth since 2005. I recommend the last two (Angels of Darknes, Demons of Light I-II), though, because the earlier developments on this sound were pretty slow and boring from what I've heard, and these two have absolutely beautiful guitar tones. You can find all four of these Earth albums in their entirety on YouTube.