Last night I got high as hell. It felt very, very good, and quieted the screams down nicely. They're back now that I'm sober, of course, but I had a beautifully quiet night, with nary a nightmare to be found. Speaking of screams, ZeeBoy wants me to name them (collectively, I suppose) Rachel. I suppose Rachel is the name Legion took when they transitioned?
HERE NOW BOIS SEE HERE. WE CAN'T GO WHALING BECAUSE THE WHALES ALL ASCENDED TO HEAVEN! I VOTE WE BUSY OURSELVES WITH THE MONOLITHIC COUNTRY OF AFRICA. HEAR HEAR!
in any case, I'm very tired and the screams are very loud. I can't sleep. I want to, but I can't.
Oh, so, I've been talking to a lovely lady on OKC. She's pretty as hell, and rather sweet too. I reckon I'd like to be friends with her. Naturally, the sort with benefits, but in reality that's rather my natural state. It takes real closeness not to want to fuck a person. That may sound odd, but in reality it's probably because I feel that I connect with and love people through sex, so unless I'm really close to them, I can't connect very well any other way. As to why i associate sex with love and human connection, it's probably because I was raped at an early age. developmental crises, ho! And then of course again later on. advanced trauma, ho!
Not that I regret any of what I am. Nay, I take pride in what I am, and love myself none the less for my fucked up psyche. Maybe that's because i don't know any other way, but I really do feel like the trauma has shaped me into the person I am, and I rather like that person. I would date me, certainly. And honestly that's the first thing I'd do with any form of cloning. Is that vanity? (genuine question)
i miss my boyfriend. He is the light of my life. He makes me happier than all other human beings combined. And he treats me so well! :D
so diary that's all i have to say for now as I am sleepy and it's time to do battle with the screaming and try to return to the homeland. Nighty night!
p.s. oasies your names are now collectively diary get over it