an actual journal entry that involves no pretentious poetry posing huzzaaaaah

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Dear Diary:

Last night I got high as hell. It felt very, very good, and quieted the screams down nicely. They're back now that I'm sober, of course, but I had a beautifully quiet night, with nary a nightmare to be found. Speaking of screams, ZeeBoy wants me to name them (collectively, I suppose) Rachel. I suppose Rachel is the name Legion took when they transitioned?

HERE NOW BOIS SEE HERE. WE CAN'T GO WHALING BECAUSE THE WHALES ALL ASCENDED TO HEAVEN! I VOTE WE BUSY OURSELVES WITH THE MONOLITHIC COUNTRY OF AFRICA. HEAR HEAR!

in any case, I'm very tired and the screams are very loud. I can't sleep. I want to, but I can't.

Oh, so, I've been talking to a lovely lady on OKC. She's pretty as hell, and rather sweet too. I reckon I'd like to be friends with her. Naturally, the sort with benefits, but in reality that's rather my natural state. It takes real closeness not to want to fuck a person. That may sound odd, but in reality it's probably because I feel that I connect with and love people through sex, so unless I'm really close to them, I can't connect very well any other way. As to why i associate sex with love and human connection, it's probably because I was raped at an early age. developmental crises, ho! And then of course again later on. advanced trauma, ho!

Not that I regret any of what I am. Nay, I take pride in what I am, and love myself none the less for my fucked up psyche. Maybe that's because i don't know any other way, but I really do feel like the trauma has shaped me into the person I am, and I rather like that person. I would date me, certainly. And honestly that's the first thing I'd do with any form of cloning. Is that vanity? (genuine question)

i miss my boyfriend. He is the light of my life. He makes me happier than all other human beings combined. And he treats me so well! :D

so diary that's all i have to say for now as I am sleepy and it's time to do battle with the screaming and try to return to the homeland. Nighty night!

XOXO

p.s. oasies your names are now collectively diary get over it

Comments

elph's picture

You miss your boyfriend?

Without obliging me to parse many previous posts, maybe you could remind us as to why he isn't present?

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

He is away for a while; out

He is away for a while; out of town. He'll be back this afternoon.

* * *

“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE." - AM

jeff's picture

Err...

I'm confused about the lady from OKC. So, you're a trans girl who is bi? Is that the correct read?

So you and I have never connected personally since we haven't had sex?

Yet, anyway...

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Well...

Less bi than 'will fuck just about anything with a heartbeat'.

Mm, I feel like it's the easiest way to connect, yeah. There are other ways, but it's the most convenient.

* * *

“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE." - AM

jeff's picture

Oh well...

If we must, we must...

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles