Messy head, messy life.

Mogul's picture

I have so many things to say, but I don't know like where to start, everything in my head is a big mess right now, and being sleepy doesn't help at all.

Let's start with my psychological life: my psychologist still hasn't figured out the things that happen in my head and tells me that I'm a really difficult patient to stablished the normal psychologist patient - patient psychologist and that my psyche is really strong and hard to change; I'm now medicated and it was thanks to my bioenergetic when she was trying to see if I had something abnormal, going back to my psychologist, when I told him about the meds, he said that he wouldn't send me somewhere else (neurologist, psychiatrist) because they would've send me the same thing, but the weird thing is that those meds are for stress/anxiety and the other one is for my hypomania and I could say that my mood swings are worse, plus sometimes my sleepiness is horrible same with my hyper moods and "fuck this life" mood.

Choosing what to study was really difficult after I decided that business isn't my thing, but after spending one day at the where all the rich trash of my city goes and spending most of the time trying to find someone ugly in that school (everyone is fucking flawless there, they're like fucking perfect, I bet that they sacrifice every ugly kid to the gods) I decided to study something with science and found a geologic engineering that caught my attention and it's in one of the best universities of my region, but I'll have to sacrifice my life to get good grades and not get kicked out.

I could say that what happened with my best friend the day that I was drunk is solved, we actually never talked about it, but everything is back to normal, plus he's in a relationship and I'm actually happy about it, but now there's someone else in my mind and it's the weirdest thing ever because last week I saw some guy at a mall and he really caught my attention and my stupid tummy felt the fucking horrible butterflies, the thing was that I was staring at him, he stared at me and it was a really awkward eye contact, the next day while we were thinking about our yearbook, the one that's going to make it brought us some samples from other schools and I don't know how I saw his school there and my first stalker instinct was to search for him and my old friends (I used to study there) so luckily I found him with them and after confirming it was him I searched on one of those old friends ig and he appeared and he's really cute and hot and I'm having feelings for someone that doesn't even know I still exist and I don't wanna feel those things, but at the same time I do. This is horrible and love is shit.

Comments

elph's picture

Let's start out simple...

It's quite clear that you are troubled... at least some of the time.

Why don't you start out by trying to imagine the events in your life that you would like to see happen... those would be the events that'd make you feel great.

Tell us about them!

Do you feel your friends feel better about their lives?

jeff's picture

Well...

There's a lot of good things one could say about messy head.

As for the new guy, why wouldn't you want to feel good about someone you have a crush on?!

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

so yeah new guy? I say go

so yeah new guy? I say go after him. Naturally you don't have to take the advice of a psychotic slut about such things, but in my experience in the situations you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So find the boy, explain your infatuation, and see if it goes anywhere. If it doesn't, you at least won't wonder what would've happened. Some of my best relationships came about because i pursued someone who i didn't expect to like me. Good luck and all my love.

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“HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE." - AM