T S Z, H S G

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

My life is standing still while I try to reconcile my past with my present. Who am I? I cannot be defined by what happened to me- but how do I come to terms with it? How can I? The more I try to confront it and face it, the more it hurts. I know it gets worse before it gets better, and I have to push through- but when the pain starts to get unbearable, it's damned easy to forget that.

It's all so strange, sometimes. Sometimes I look around and I feel like everything around me is just some vast illusion. Sometimes I wonder if anyone else is real. More often, I wonder if I am real.

There is obviously no such thing as morality. It's a stupid, vapid construct designed only to impose order on something that has no order (human behavior). That's not to say it isn't damnably useful; sometimes shaping the thoughts of a people is incredibly effective. If you want to get something done, convince people that what you want is morally right and anything you don't want is wrong. Naturally, it's most effective with promise of reward. Obviously not every person is capable of thinking- or, even if capable, willing to think- on their own terms: to construct a 'morality' of their own. Perhaps the most kind thing to do is provide one for them. When one has tired of trying to lead one's fellows out of the cave, could it be that the best possible action then becomes to direct the shadows on the wall to suit one's own purposes? If the people in shadow are happiest there, perhaps that is their place.

Yes, that could be interpreted as elitist, but is elitism so wrong? The world needs its garbage collectors, so is it wrong to allow the non-elite folk to believe that they need not rise above their station? Why encourage a man to become something he cannot, and thus introduce unease into his mind? If they are well taken care of, I see no reason to see this as cruel.

Perhaps I ought to direct the shadows instead of force others into the light, when they don't wish to see it?

How, though?

I see that the world needs a change. I see that there is too much pain. I see I must do something. I'll find a way to make at least a small change. I'll see if I can make something of this pain that pervades every moment of my life. Perhaps I can use it to make people see what I need them to see. Perhaps I'll be able to make it so that at least a few people will avoid this, too?

Ooh that just got loud. Wonder why. Time to sleep, though. Nighty night, and remember, the pain you're feeling is just God reminding you how much he loves you! or something like that

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

"Who am I?"

24601?

Even Dawkins has observed some sense of altrium in evolution and nature in his book, The Selfish Gene, so I don't know morality and all of that can all be entirely dismissed as a man-made construct. Of course, altriusm in nature is still a method of helping others so that you can also get a head, but still... of course, I like that morality can exist outside of religion and spiritual practice. I think that is the distinction I'm more apt to make than questioning it...

"I see that the world needs a change. I see that there is too much pain. I see I must do something. I'll find a way to make at least a small change. I'll see if I can make something of this pain that pervades every moment of my life."

The best thing you can do for the world is to become a healthy member of society, so stop looking outward to make some mark. You can do more good healing yourself, then worry about other people. Until you overcome something, you don't have a platform to show others how to do it... so, work on you, then work on others.

Or, as the Bible says in Matthew 7:3-5: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?... first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Shadows can be manipulated to affect change in the real world. Here's proof:

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

angel syndrome's picture

Hmm... I think, though, that

Hmm... I think, though, that there are some 'innate' senses of basic morality or ethical systems that seem to reoccur (for instance: incest or murder are typically associated with 'wrong' from even the earliest societies we have access to, anthropologically speaking).

To clarify first, I understand elitism as the belief that there should be a defining, dominant class in a society: the existence of this dominant class being based in constructs of social/economic class, race, gender identity or expression, and sexual identity and expression. In regards to the question of if elitism is "wrong" - yes, the world *does* need people to accomplish mundane tasks to maintain the current spatial/political/economic order. Elitism, however, clearly defines access, affordance, and limits to certain lifestyles, spaces, and freedoms, often at the expense of the many for the benefit of the few. When you limit access to particular spaces, knowledge, institutions, or representations, you're denying individuals a form of responsible agency. As queer individuals in the western world, we are still feeling some of the effects of this broader understanding of elitism in policy and in our everyday movements in urban or public spaces.
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In terms of finding yourself... for me, taking positive, direct action (even if small or ephemeral) for myself or others has been a key to my self-understanding, and maybe will be for you. There's lots of ways to do this (art, activism, the way you interact with people, the way you interact with space, ect.) that can be community-based or even on an individual level.

I hope tomorrow will be better for you <3