I wrote a thing because I was here and I was bored. Read it if you want to know what's up in my head.

anarchist's picture

I busted out the viola today and gave it a long-delayed try after at least three years of not even touching it. I'm terrible at bowing now and I could barely remember where to put my fingers, especially while I was playing a song that had a ton of sharps (even though it literally contained only four notes in the one phrase that is repeated throughout the entire six-minute movement). I was playing the first movement of this piece, and quite poorly:

I just transposed the guitar notes to viola to play it. I can't figure out how to play songs by ear with any instrument that isn't shaped like a guitar. (I've been planning on defretting one of my guitars sometime, so maybe that'll help me get used to fretless fingerboards, if it ever happens; I lent the guitar I was planning on defretting to ykw, so I don't know.)

Frustrated by playing an instrument so different from what I've grown used to for so long, I went back to guitar and made some really fucking good music, though it's probably a biased opinion. Unfortunately it sounds like it needs some accompaniment from more instruments than I have (which is only a few guitars, including a bass guitar; a drum machine; and a synthesizer).

This music was in part inspired by getting around to becoming obsessed with Swans. Before this week, I've only been listening to their first album, which is from 1983. Their recent stuff is much deeper and more addictive. The Seer is a masturpiece, and their upcoming one will be, too, which is why I preordered a signed copy on vinyl. Getting back into music to this extent has been inspiring me to finally get back into making music, so I feel much less like a worthless bullshit generator now. It's also been taking my mind off of some issues you may be pretty familiar with by now, so that's good.

Too bad my grades suck because I'm too bothered by other things, so my family is pretty upset, especially my sister because she's a nosy control freak who should have moved out a while ago. And this poor work ethic isn't good because ykw is keeping me from feeling ready to leave my life or die at any time, because the whole thing feels so incomplete. I feel like I've started something that I need to experience the end of before I'm ready to leave my attachments at peace, whether that means getting closer to him or getting further away. I'll have to see what happens with this and with my life, but I know I won't let this get cut short. If I care about it this much, that will not happen, I can be sure of that.