Hello, I'm 13 years old turning 14. I think I'm a gay, I'm 60% sure of it, I already watched gay porn, but I honestly think that was very immoral, but I can't stop it, every time i do that it feels like a demon is possessing me (probably the gay demon). I think I'm a gay, but i don't want to be gay, i'd rather die. I live my life imagining founding a family, 5 children and a beautiful wife. I had this one girl on my mind, she's very beautiful (she's a campus chick), very smart, very talented, and she possess a pure heart. I want her, I don't really imagined her naked, but i did imagined her kissing me. Every time she touch me, I turn red (a tomato, really). I pray to god that I want to be straight, I cursed all the gay people i encountered when i was a child, I believe being gay is communicable( and I'm afraid i passed it on my younger brother), no one should have done that, my father is straight ( I'm sure of it 100%). Please, I don't want to be a gay, i want to be straight. I know the fact that I need to be myself, but i don't feel my gay self until I see naked guys, I'm turned on, really. But i want the girl, not just a friend. I want to make her special. I am not the showy type, yes i move clumsy (I think my friend suspect on me), but I honestly want to be straight. I'm dying. Gay. I would cry if that's happen. Its like 10000x the heartbreak my previous crushes given to me. Depression. I'd rather die than be a gay .