lies pounding through nervous arteries, promises never meant to be kept
i spent so long cutting myself over people instead of cutting people out, but i am now snipping gangrenous friendships off. i may lose the limb but i’ll save the body.
it’s supposed to feel better but it doesn’t yet, i still have 3rd degree burn scars on my breasts and thighs from where your hands blazed like hungry wildfire and i can taste ash in my mouth; the embers are still glowing within me
i always wanted the little violet plant called fireweed tattooed on my collarbone to represent all the times ive been burned down only to grow back twice as thick and if you for a second thought that phoenixes felt no pain when they were reborn, you were wrong
every cell in me aches to be left displaced, to not be scooped off the floor and reassembled like a puzzle missing too many pieces, to not have to look at the broken fucking mess i am in the mirror every day, and i can’t fucking understand why the people who call me beautiful with soft lips pressed to my ears are the ones to break me again
you could say that stain glass art isn’t beautiful unless perfect sheets are broken first but they truly must be broken first and you lose flakes and shards every time the knife hits the skin and chunks of you are expelled with every purge
i have nightmares every night that don’t scare me like loneliness and apathy do; monsters exist in silences and ignored messages
i want it to end already