Well, I don't think I mentioned this here, but my orchestra went to Costa Rica for a week over Spring Break.
I could give you some bullshit travelogue, but I know it wouldn't mean much to you if you weren't there. I'll stick to the important bits.
First, the country itself. It's a beautiful country. It was the first in the world to have no army for itself, established in 1949, and looking at the people, you can imagine why. I can't imagine those people in the military. They're too nice.
The countryside is beautiful as well. Living in Washington, we're used to having a real winter, where it really rains for days on end and sometimes snows. And when it rains, there's something good to it: the rain is cool enough to cool you down when exercising so you can heat yourself up with body heat in vigorous exercise, which is one of the best feelings in the world.
Then you can dry off at home. The problem is that you either need to be exercising or bundled up in a rain jacket to stay warm and comfortable in the rain. If you get wet and aren't in vigorous exercise you can easily get cold.
The rain is much more whimsical in Costa Rica. First, the weather is so nice, all the time. I've never known such sunshine for so long, we simply don't know such things in Washington.
And most of the days have some clouds to them, and some of those clouds have showers coming out of them. Rain is sporadic, hard, and brief, and usually limited to a small geographic area. And when you get wet the rain is warm, and when the rain stops you're completely dry in an hour. Rain can be easily ignored in Costa Rica.
The jungle was awesome too.
Second, almost everyone on the entire trip got sick, more than a hundred of us. Diarrhea, cramps, nausea and throwing up, exhaustion, pain, etc.
We don't know if everyone had the same thing or not, or where it came from.
But some people have gotten tested since getting back to the States and supposedly it's Giardia. And I have very much the same symptoms as the people who got tested (nausea and throwing up, and especially horrific, horrific diarrhea and pain, which slowly resolved for a while but has since gotten worse again. Most people have felt this) and as how Wikipedia would tell me Giardia is.
So I'm going to get tested now. And I have to say, as a mountaineer and a hiker who has long known what Giardia is and how it must be avoided by drinking clean water (I just bought a new water filter), it's a psychological surprise to me to actually think I probably have this little nasty ruminating inside me somewhere, when I've long resolved to avoid it, though I got it in a way I didn't expect.
Third, and worst of all. In Costa Rica, the orchestra played a bunch of performances. But since we didn't have a lot of winds, we drafted them from among the locals.
Basically, when hanging around with the Costa Ricans, several of my more, eh, sexually overzealous friends-who-are-girls started hanging around this guy named Daniel and totally flirting on him. He's 21, but looks like 17 or 18, honestly.
So really, he's awesome, and totally hot, but I didn't talk to him too much for several reasons, even when he was right in front of me. Most of the time we met I was sick and tired anyway (I'm still exhausted, actually), and even when I wasn't, I have an aversion to hot guys for many reasons, because I'm afraid of weirding them out, which would push them away. If I just shut down, at least I get to still look at them.
So that's what I did here. While he and these girls flirted, I just sat across the table and was content to stare.
Anyway, so after they've sent him nudes and everything and we're on our way back to the States, I hear people talking and apparently people heard from the other Costa Ricans Daniel's gay.
So now I've been messaging him on Facebook, apparently he thought I was hot and wished he could have kissed me.
I mean, it's heartening to know that somewhere there is some awesome, hot gay guy who doesn't find me loathsome to behold, but why must he live in Costa Rica?
So many fucking times, again and again, I think some guy's gay, start flirting, and every step I take forward they take back. Whether they're timid or not gay, I just can't know.
Which is the problem, I can't assume anything.
So the fucking time I don't turns out to be the time I should have.
Yes, yes, being alone, I'm okay with that. I know it's my lot to have to sit awkwardly when friends talk about the girls they'd wreck, or who they're trying to make a move on, or when they actually have relationships.
I get that. I have a lot of good friends.
And I don't even know if a relationship would be the thing for me, basically a good friend who I can also fuck if need be. I have a lot of friends, some of them really cute, that honestly I get a bit hangy-on to because they're so cute and it's torture having to look at them all the time without being able to touch.
So what if there was some hot guy that didn't apply to? Maybe it wouldn't be that great.
But maybe it would be fucking awesome. I don't know. I've just sorta missed out on that part of things, not because I want to but because it's just what's sorta happened.