2am rant/illumination

angel syndrome's picture

questions i've been asked within 10-15 minutes of meeting a straight person:

when did i first want to fuck men
what i do in bed
what i did first in bed
how did i lose my virginity
who i fucked first
who fucked me first
how old they were
do i wear condoms
do i have aids
how do i feel about aids
what kind of porn do i watch
what kind of porn have i watched
when i fucked girls did i like it
was my father around when i was a child
is that why i got fucked by older men as a teenager
is that why i date a recovering heroin addict

i would be utterly MORTIFIED to ask ANYONE questions like these when i'd just met them? why do people fucking care about my sexual history? ??????

from there my brain has been deconstructing how being queer is perceived as biological/genetic and how that plays into these encounters. and i think i touched on something really important i wanted to share with you folk.

these are what these questions are inevitably asking: are you queer *for real* (with the biological receipts to prove it) or are you just fucked up (psychological/nurture issues)?

and you know what? fuck this whole BORN THIS WAY shit, fuck this constructed biohistory we give ourselves. the whole notion of the "gay gene" is a MYTH. it was proven ONCE in a 1993 study, the results were NEVER proven consistently thereafter, EVEN when they tried the same test again.

IT ISN'T REAL. if you think about it, so much of how we're perceived by others is shaped by a hegemonic medical gaze: HIV/AIDS, the gay gene, psychoanalysis, ect.

ANYWAY, THE ISSUE WITH 'BORN THIS WAY'/GENETIC HISTORIES: it depoliticizes what is inherently a political issue. it doesn't matter if we were born ANY way at all:

because the actual issue is that political bodies and social institutions DO NOT RECOGNIZE OUR OWN AGENCY AND AUTONOMY OVER OUR BODIES.



jeff's picture


There does seem to be a disregard for tact when some people talk to gay people, including your examples as well as the mainstay of who is the "girl" and who is the "boy" in the relationship, as though penetrative predilections have any deeper meanings then preference.

I do think that for sheltered straight people, they have no investigative element to their sexual identity. If you are straight, line up perfectly with your pink or blue room and your Disney prince/princess mentality, date the opposite sex, fall in love, get married... well, you never had to question anything beyond what your parents/pastor/media told you would happen. So, when they meet someone not on that path, it's sort of confusion... like, how do you ever decide to not do what we were supposed to do?!

Back in the old days, the genetic stuff was sort of heralded as sort of the religious dragon slayer, as well. Since, once science could point to something and say, look, that is the gay gene or somesuch... then religious communities would sort of lose its moral footing over "choice." I was never in that camp, since it seemed to have too much "See, they can't help it!" baked in.

Ultimately, the answer really is... who cares?

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

anarchist's picture

What gets me is that people act like sexuality is concrete.

I don't know how someone can say they were born with certain opinions on people they hadn't met for decades into their life. Even as a generalization, it's just a silly opinion, it's like saying I was born a Ween fan, and I have the Boognish gene in my DNA that forces me to be attracted to Ween's music. That's just overkill.

Bosemaster42's picture


Usually turn to comedy when I hear people start grilling me with stupid questions similar to the ones you mentioned. I'll turn the topic around to make them look foolish or simply depraved for wanting to know any details that I would consider 'over the line' or bone-headed.

Dracofangxxx's picture

who the heck asks those questions lmao

I've been openly bi and nobody's ever gave me shit about it once in my life. people mostly run up and ask if i'm gay because 'they've been asking around' and i'm like yeah i'm gay but i like men too and they sorta go 'oh okay, so you bring the party in the bedroom?' and i just sorta nod good naturedly.

people probably ask those things because you seem open and inviting and not intimidating and are curious and nobody's ever told them, and there's no real way for them to know since they're, y'know, straight...

they just want to get The Real Story from a queer person instead of the shit they're fed from society and news and all that, so i always consider it flattering (and i'm reasonably open anyways so whatever)

i'd rather educate a nosy person who is ignorant but doesnt want to be than be rude and make them have a bad taste in their mouth i guess