5/7/14

radiosilence95's picture

So, I suppose I'll start with my social life. I haven't branched out a lot this past year of college. No parties, clubs only lasted for a few months, and really my only friends have been my suite mates. Well, there's an odd number of us, and block housing for next year is for an even number of people for some ridiculous reason, so guess who's been left hanging? Me. So I had to take whatever was left over because those who are drifters with no specific preference or plan get stuck with whatever hasn't been taken. So I'll be with a completely new group of people next year, both boys and girls I'm pretty sure, and at first, I was really pissed about it. But lately I've been seeing it as more of a positive thing.

My friends fucking suck. You ever spend a certain amount of time with someone or some people and then start to realize that you don't even really like them? Well that's what's happened here. Two of them just annoy me most of the time for similar reasons: they're both the kind of people who always have to prove they know more than you do, or have to one-up you on any given topic. Fucking obnoxious. And then there's Sarah and Kaylie. I like Sarah most of the time, but when she's with this other girl I've mentioned awhile ago, Kaylie, they just act like total cunts. For example, tonight the three of us were sitting out on the campus lawn relaxing and chatting. The topic of astrology comes up. I do not contribute, because astrology is a pseudoscience and I do not believe in it at all, but don't want to seem "pompous" or "pretentious," both words that Kaylie has used to describe things I say. Then Sarah asks me my sign, I say I don't really believe in that stuff, and Kaylie says, "But you're into astronomy."

I don't think it's necessary for me to inform you guys that they are TOTALLY different things. If she had said that to an actual astronomer with a PhD, I think they would've burst into tears. So I respond, as neutrally as I can, "Um, astronomy and astrology are two TOTALLY different things."

Kaylie: "Well excuse me that doesn't mean you can't be into both. Don't fucking patronize me." Not angry, exasperated is more how I would describe her tone. Also I'm pretty sure she misused the term patronizing?

Me: "I'm not being patronizing! I'm just pointing out a simple fact..."

Sarah: "You're being a little patronizing."

The two of them do shit like this a lot. They tag-team me, gang up on me. Sarah will take Kaylie's side on anything, and vice versa. Their heads are shoved so far up each other's asses. Sarah's pretty cool when it's just her and me, but with Kaylie in the mix they bring out the bitchiest in each other. And it sucks because they're almost always together. They insult me on a near-daily basis. I'm pompous, I'm stupid for not knowing this or doing that, I'm pretentious, and now I'm patronizing for differentiating science from pseudoscience?

So needless to say my current friendships are less than healthy right now. But, next year is a new beginning. I've tentatively committed to a physics major, and will then make the switch to astronomy in grad school (again, this isn't set in stone. It entirely depends on how I can handle physics). So first term next year I'm taking Calculus, Mechanics, and German (to satisfy a language requirement). It'll take some adjustment, since I've spent this first year getting a feel for what the hell I'm doing and kind of floating from subject to subject, but if I work hard I can do it. The physics department here is super small and a tightly-knit community, so pretty much all the physics majors know one another. If my schedule allows it I'm going to join the physics club and maybe equestrian team. I'm going to find my niche, make new friends, and my girlfriend will be starting next fall here too, so she'll be with me as well.

I've stayed in these poisonous friendships for so long because I don't have an out--these are the only people I know really well. I don't even respect these people much anymore. Ironically enough, my roommate, Emma, is the only person in this dorm that doesn't make me wanna tear my hair out, and I disliked her the first term of school. I've never seen her angry or bitchy or judgmental or anything. We're not super close buddies, but I've come to respect her so much more than anyone else here. When Mickala visits, Emma's the only person who doesn't avoid her like the plague. She actually, y'know, engages in conversation with Mickala like a decent human being (my suite mates were like that when my friend from home came to stay for a weekend. They showed zero interest in getting to know her even a little bit). I just wish it didn't take me so long to look past Emma's quirks and come to appreciate her. I think rooming with her may have had something to do with that.

Mickala and I are doing well. I'm staying at her place for a week and will be leaving this Friday after class. Her prom is Saturday, so I'm going to be her date. It's in a small town in Missouri, so that'll be fun. We're also seeing Queens of the Stone Age in Kansas City next week, which is going to be fucking amazing. Their new album is fantastic. And we're gonna go camping and I'm going to bring my binoculars and show her whatever happens to be out in the sky that night. We've been together for almost seven months now.

That's pretty much what's been up with my life as of late. I don't write much anymore. I'm hoping I can rekindle the urge to write by taking workshops or something, but I don't know. Right now I just don't really feel up to it. The most writing I do is keeping a journal.

So yeah.

Comments

DestinyB.'s picture

That fresh start next term

That fresh start next term sounds like exactly what you might need. I say cut your loses and start over fresh. You could maybe savage that one relationship, with Emma, but that would probably mean having to be around the other ones next term if she's is still going to room with them. But you should definitely get out there and make some friends, you don't want to be in the position where the only person you are hanging out with is your gf. Nothing against her at all, I just think its unhealthy when people in relationships don't have anyone to hang out with or talk to besides each other. I've seen the damage this can do first hand lately with my moms, sister, and mine own relationship. But good luck with everything, especially college. I kind of know how you feel, I want to major nursing, education, and get a certification in computers/technology. I feel like pulling my hair out.
DestinyB.

radiosilence95's picture

Yeah, it is what I need.

Yeah, it is what I need. Hopefully Emma and I will stay in touch. This campus is really small, so we're bound to run into each other sooner or later. And yeah, that's not a situation I want to be in either, having my girlfriend be the only person on campus I'm close to. That could potentially be disastrous. I actually worry about her doing that, relying on me as her only relationship at school. She has difficulties making friends, even more than I do. And thanks. Good luck with your majors. That's a lot to handle.

DestinyB.'s picture

Thankx

DestinyB.

jeff's picture

Yeah...

Sounds like life without those hunties will be for the better. Good riddance...

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles