Recounting the events of yesterday, describing today, commentating my opinions on my life.

anarchist's picture

I didn't really feel like writing about this at first, but it's a personal journal and it belongs to me, so why not? Nobody's going to find it unless they want to. even then they probably won't find it.

The walk was really nice, though. I got really muddy from jumping across streams and he didn't really get as muddy because he's familiar with the streams. He actually got tired a lot quicker than I did, even though he's a lot more active than I am. I'm more used to walks though, while he always does fast things like biking and running. Anyway, we both ran out of water very quickly and got very thirsty and hot by the end of the walk, which was almost ten miles long. We got some bugs on our backs through the trip, and ended up having to get them off each other the whole time.

Once we got back to his place it felt very good having cold liquids and food with which to make a grilled cheese sandwich. Then we looked at some music and hung out outside a bit. We sat on two chairs on his porch and talked about various things. He was dressed in thin shorts and was also sitting with his legs up, so his shorts sleeves were slid down, revealing a lot and making it very difficult for me not to look there for the half hour before I left, and then he went kayaking.

As previously mentioned, he's excited about teaching me to kayak this summer, and so am I. I hope it'll go better than when I tried to teach him guitar.

And today was a pretty good day. I ended up talking to a lot of people for some reason. It seems like I'm simultaneously becoming more social yet quieter and more avoidant at times. It's strange and I don't get how it's possible, but I've been told that I talk really quietly. That's weird because I used to be so loud all the time, and now I'm actually noticing how quiet I am and it explains why it's so hard to get and keep people's attention. At least I'm more likesable when I'm quiet.

School's been happening, too, as weird as that sounds based on the content of my journals. As much as I don't write about it, it is happening and it's pretty terrible. I hate sitting down in classes because I know I won't be allowed to move for 45 minutes and the seats hurt and make me sore all day because I have to sit in them for almost seven hours without a break unless I skip class, which I haven't been doing the often because of both the school security who know who I am by now and the caterpillars that get on me when I go in the woods to get away from the school security. Aside from that, I took the SAT recently and it was fucking easy. I didn't expect that test to be such a pushover. Everybody says it's hard and it fucking isn't. Oh, and I've been doing field testing for a new online testing service, which sucks because it traps me in a room for way more time than anyone needs to take those tests, and prohibits me from talking to any of the people I like taking to. It does take me away from two of my least favorite classes, and one pretty boring one, but it also makes me sit in a boring room for hours, so it's pointless. It sucks that I got picked for that. Aside from not skipping, I also need to start doing homework again, since I haven't really been doing any all quarter, and my GPA is becoming shit again, like last year.

I think it's below 2.5, so that's pretty bad. I think I'll try to find work on a farm when I'm out of school. Farm work probably doesn't require too much experience, and I get to be in a rural area with plants, so I'm happy. I know someone who is moving west to the mountains to grow fruits and vegetables, but I'm not a good gardener so I can't. If anybody wants to weigh in on this; please do. I'm actually pretty nervous of what will happen to me. I need to find a way to Central Asia at some point so I can truly be happy, on the plains in a tent with my horses and my traditional instruments and no civilization in sight.

I'm really glad I wrote this journal. I actually learned a bit about myself after that and I feel good about getting some of this stuff here for people to help.


Beau's picture

I'm happy for you!

I'm glad everything went great on your walk with your friend, and I just didn't want you to get hurt any more.
You're a real interesting person, wish you lived here!


anarchist's picture

Thank you for your kindness.

I've never considered myself very interesting, so that was strange to see, but thank you again. I wish I lived somewhere better than where I do, because there's no real nature here, but a certain someone is inspiring me to want to stay longer.

jeff's picture


If you truly want to move to Asia, one good method is getting TFEL-certified, which means you can teach English to non-English speakers. It is a good way to move around, see different countries, and you can often sign on at a school for a set period of time, often in exchange for room and board or some other financial arrangement. Some schools abuse one's willingness to want to see other countries, though, and you exchange long hours, a contract, and bad pay for not as much time to explore a country as you want, so research is imperative here.

Of course, this tends to be a common path for college grads who want to see the world before getting a job, which is not your current path, as that would require high school grades that would get you into college in the first place. ;-)

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

anarchist's picture

I don't know what's going on.

I always feel really good after talking to him, and then when I get home all I can think about is his relationship with his girlfriend. I don know why I'm amplifying this whole situation so much, as if its the most important thing in my life. It's so stupid and pointless and it shouldn't really matter to me, yet infant stop thinking about it and I can figure out why someone's relationship with someone I don't know or care about is making me feel so terrible. I've just been looking at her twitter page to make myself feel even worse, and it sucks that in cant even talk about any of it with him because of reasons explained many times here before. I don't want to bring her up out of nowhere because I don't know how he'll react and I don't really want to know. At least in got him to follow my twitter, which is an accomplishment because he never uses twitter. I'm one of the only people who knows he has one, and aside from his girlfriend I'm now the only person he follows.

I'm going to a Swans concert now, so I'll maybe add more later. This may be the last time I hear anything.

jeff's picture

Unless you're an amazing actor...

This guy would have to be pretty clueless to not think you have a crush on him.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

anarchist's picture

I think I hide it pretty well.

Much better than last time. I've got some practice. I act pretty normal around him.