Single again...finally

DestinyB.'s picture

How sad is it that I was waiting on it to end? So that's five months down the drain along with a two year friendship and my freaking celibacy. What did it all come down to? You wouldn't beleve it if I told you. But I'm ok with it ending, I'd returnt to bad habits from the stress, (smoking cigars and drinking),.

Because of my health I try to stay away from those things but UGH I just needed something to take the edge off. Worse part is, people started noticing the change in me. Not just people I knew well but people from school who only saw me once a week and barely knew my name. This was bad, very very bad. I had to together myself together.

Even doe it didn't end until today I'd made up my mind Friday that I'd end it. And truth be told, he'd been wanting to dump me for awhile now. I could tell by the way he talked to me and the arguements he would start.
I think I'll stay single for awhile, I really don't have an option there but that a different story. A sadder more bitter one. One that makes me think I should have just given the one person willing to except most of me for who I am and been contempt.

Comments

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

I know it hurts

Here's my advice...

Cry. Let it hurt. Feel the pain and don't deny a single aspect of it. Feel every ache, feel every minute facet of the hurt. Acknowledge it. And then, once you've felt it, move on.

Don't use drink or smoke to escape the pain; there is no escape, there is no point in fleeing. The pain is there no matter what, and the only way to get rid of it is to feel it. To deny it is merely to make it the center of your life- if you spend all your time and energy trying to run from the pain, the pain is the thing that you are centered upon.

When you accept the pain, the pain will go away.

It's easier said than done.

But perhaps once it's through, you can find something else to do. Have some fun and live a life free from the need to escape. If you want to smoke and drink, do it! But don't do it to make it hurt less- do it because it feels good.

That's my advice. It's kinda dumb, but that's what I've got.

All my love,
Greer Stewart

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A man is defined not by his convictions, but by what he denies of himself.

DestinyB.'s picture

I feel like I grieved

I feel like I grieved during the last month or so over it ending before it even happened. I grieved ove our friendship because I knew I would never be the same. I grieved for my celibacy because I'd thrown that important vow I made to myself away. And I grieved for my self respect because I'd let someone convince me I needed to be in a relationship and that I was lonely when u was perfectly happy. I may cry in the next few days. I'll welcome those tear because your right, in order to let pain go you have to face it. Thank you.

DestinyB.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

*HUGS*

I hope it goes well. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.

* * *

A man is defined not by his convictions, but by what he denies of himself.

DestinyB.'s picture

Disregard

Disregard