Weird title, I'll admit it.
The Saturday of the debate tournament came, but the biggest debate I hate was with myself: Should I wear the shiny tie or not? Lots of over thinking there, believe me.
Right before my father and I left that morning, Colin sent me a text asking if we could give him a ride to the tournament and back because him mother was called in to work. He lives on the way there, so it wasn't a big deal to pick him up.
I didn't have a tie on but had two stashed in my backpack, including the shiny one, and I swear that was the first thing Colin looked for when we pulled into his driveway. I introduced him to my dad, and he wasn't the typical shy Colin I've become used to. Maybe debate really is bringing him out of his shell?
The tournament was from 9:00 to 4:00, with a hour lunch between 12:00 to 1:00, and as luck would have it my school went first. Nobody wants to go first because you don't have a chance to size up your competition, and they're focused on what they have to do to beat you.
Colin was the fourth speaker, and spoke of his personal obstacles, including surviving cancer, and how he changed because of that. I was blown away, and not the only misty eyed person there. My attraction to him deepened too. He was given a standing ovation, which is discouraged, but he earned it.
I was next, and with a shaky start I gave my gay athlete's anguish speech to a crowd that I felt was just starting at me, and when I was done there was this awkward silence that was quickly broken by polite applause. I felt that I blew it, but my debate teacher told me "Well done!".
There's usually some mingling during lunch with the students and their parents and the teachers, but I didn't have anyone come up to me and say anything. That bothered me, but I spoke about something that probably wasn't the best topic choice, so that's what I get.
After lunch the other schools presented their speeches, and when they were done there was a gap while the judges tallied the scores. Colin and I sat together and waited for the results, and neither of us placed. Everyone got a certificate of participation, which isn't so bad after all.
What bothered me was the topics presented by the other students played it safe, sticking to environmental issues and restrictions on cell phone use, while Colin and I pushed the bar a bit higher by going personal and not being recognized for it.
On the drive to Colin's house we were silent, and when we pulled into the driveway, Colin asked me if I could come in for a minute? Before we got out of the car my dad gave him a DVD he burned on his laptop of Colin giving his speech, and just the smile and appreciation he gave my father made me like him even more.
Colin and I went into his empty house, and when he closed the door he grabbed my shiny tie in his hand and said, "You got my note" then kissed me and hugged me hard.
I asked him if he could stay the night at my place and he told me he'd have to ask his mom...the asked me what time he should come over?
Dad and I went for dinner at this Italian restaurant we go to on a regular basis, and we really didn't say much to each other. I knew he was thinking about my speech, and probably wondering why I would give one like that?
Over thinking? Not this time.
When we pulled into the driveway, dad told me that my choice of topic surprised him, that I was the last person he ever expected to give a speech like that. He also told me I impressed him, and made him think, and that I should have placed in the tournament.
He hugged me in the driveway before I went to my room above the garage, firmer than he usually does.
Fuck. He knows. He has to know.
Now what do I do??????