Unknown Pleasures

anarchist's picture

For some reason Joy Division is the only thing I can listen to that won't just make me feel worse, and will actually help me forget a bit. It doesn't remind me ov you know who, anyway, so that's nice. So there's my explanation of this title

I've obviously been pretty lonely. The weekend made me feel pretty good (at least compared to last week), and then I remembered that I can't talk to him any more, so I got sad. And being trapped in a single room for test experiments for 140 minutes ov the day didn't help. So I only saw him once, for maybe a second, and looked away because it was pointless paying attention to someone I can't talk to because he doesn't care about anyone other than himself and his girlfriend. So I just don't know what I'll do, when we had so much planned and now he just doesn't care. That asshole still has my guitar.

And I can't figure out why so much has changed. He used to care about me more than I care about him. That's the only reason I actually grew fond of him; because he payed attention to me more than anyone else did, and eagerly started conversations every day, and now he's just completely indifferent except for when I catch a rare opportunity to find him when he isn't talking to his girlfriend or going to her. Which happens pretty much never.

Comments

jeff's picture

Err...

I'm not sure it's a good state of affairs when "Love Will Tear Us Apart" sung by a guy who hung himself is the bar under which you don't feel worse, heh.

You have to admit that he was giving you the attention he is giving to his girlfriend you wouldn't think it was excessive, which is probably why she doesn't, and why he doesn't, since that is kind normal couple behavior.

There isn't much to figure out, though. He had extra time when he was single, and spent it with you. Now, he has a girlfriend and his extra time goes to her. There's no mystery here.

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

anarchist's picture

But 100% of that time is going to one person.

I don't get why he's so eager to throw away an entire friendship so he can spend all of his time talking only to one person. It seems pretty insensitive. Especially when he makes promises that he ignores as soon as he sees her.

jeff's picture

Eh..

Not everyone does that in a relationship, but some people do. You're not going to be able to unravel this with logic. You already know that she is priority one, and everyone else is in queue for if and when she is unavailable.

Of course, in a true friendship, you also find a place where you are happy that they are happy and occupy yourself with other people. And, as soon as they are single, they return... until they are in a relationship again. If you can't handle that pattern, then his friendship is not going to be satisfying to you.

I've already told you I have a friend like this. Single, I would see him up to 2x a week, go out, make plans, etc. In a relationship, we tend to catch up on the phone every few months. When I was still in California, that would turn into getting together 2-3x a year, but now that we're on opposite coasts, it is only the quarterly phone call. I know he is like that with all his friends, so... what can you do? Either accept the terms or bail.

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

anarchist's picture

Small update:

It appears that he's fine talking to people when he's with his girlfriend, he just singles me out for some reason, like he doesn't want me associating with their relationship at all, and I don't know what the fuck it is that makes him do that. I know he doesn't dislike me, so I'm just pissed off at this point. He's a fucking weirdo, and it sucks.

jeff's picture

Maybe...

He sorted out that you have a crush on him?

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

anarchist's picture

I doubt it.

He'd act different around me, which he hasn't been doing. When we're alone, he still acts the way he has since before I had any feelings for him. This has been going on for a really long time with him. He's never wanted to talk about any relationships, but only with me, not anyone else, so I don't get it. I still haven't found an explanation for this, and now it's really interfering with our friendship.

jeff's picture

Crazy idea...

Ask him?

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

anarchist's picture

I briefly brought it up at his house.

He didn't reply, and I don't want to ask him directly because it obviously makes him uncomfortable to talk about the subject, and I don't want to put him on the spot, it seems like a pretty rude thing to do when he doesn't want to talk about it. I may bring it up, but there wouldn't be enough time the way things are going because of that exact phenomenon.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Small suggestion

Make another friend. Stop obsessing over this one. Perhaps when you stop displaying obsessive/possessive behaviours (more noticeable than you think) he will start feeling more comfortable around you.

Also you say if he knew you had a crush that he would act differently... isn't he doing that now?

* * *

A man is defined not by his convictions, but by what he denies of himself.

anarchist's picture

He isn really acting different from what's been normal.

He's been like this with me and his girlfriend for as long as they've been together. Strange that he wasn't attached to her like this before, and it all just went out of control literally overnight, the day they officially became a couple. What's changed is I lost the opportunity I had to regularly spend time with him in the one time of the day when he's alone.

But I don't think he'd notice me acting obsessive when he's so focused on his girlfriend. Like I saw him earlier today and for a fraction of a second he was about to go and talk to me, then he suddenly remembered that she wasn't there and then went back to waiting for her. For some reason whenever she decides not to meet him between classes, he freaks out and immediately starts texting her and looking all over the place expecting her to show up. He's the neediest guy.

Oh, and I have other friends who I spend a lot of time talking to daily, but they're kind of boring, so they don't really make me feel anything worth writing about. Plus, I'm not attracted to any of them.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

...

This sounds more like you not being able to move beyond someone when they are obviously not interested in being with you. You should really just accept that you won't be a couple, and let him drift away as he desires. If he's really the friend you think he was/is/want him to be then he'll come back eventually, after he's done with his obsession. Right now you're doing yourself no failures and obsessing over something useless. Move on. No use dwelling.

* * *

A man is defined not by his convictions, but by what he denies of himself.

jeff's picture

It's weird...

He seems to be obsessively interested in spending all his time and focusing attention on the person for whom he has romantic feelings instead of any friends for whom he doesn't... do i need to connect the dots here?

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles