Loved and attracted to girls until 9th grade

Hatingmyself's picture

Up until the 9th grade I lived being with girls and having sex. Until I fell in love with my best friend who knew I was gay for him but always chickened out to show him how much of an attraction I had for him. He was straight and our friendship ended but I ended up attracted to other male friends. I had no desire to have sex with someone gay. I don't understand what happened I had sex with girls before but now I have no wish to, but u can't find a good friend that will let me please him orally that's all I care for. I am depressed to the point I hate my life and this earth. Am I crazy? Am I the only one?

Sincerely
Hatemyself

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Um.

Who gives a flying fuck who you want to sleep with? It doesn't matter. Fuck whoever you want. Fucking is fun and feels good. It doesn't even have to mean you're gay. Maybe you're bi. Maybe you just like this one dude. Quit worrying about it. It won't do you any good. Just do what you like and don't do what you don't like. Simple, really.

* * *

A man is defined not by his convictions, but by what he denies of himself.

jeff's picture

Err...

"u can't find a good friend that will let me please him orally"

You're not looking hard enough, although...

"I had no desire to have sex with someone gay"

Sex is oral sex's last name.

Sounds like you basically did what you were told and expected to do, up until the point that you started to investigate your own desires. Nothing really strange there.

Just stop saying what you are, what you won't do, what you can't be, and just figure out what you want to do, and who you want to be... and start figuring out a path to start becoming that person.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Beau's picture

I think things like that can

I think things like that can happen, you start out straight and just turn gay?

My dad was very G.A.Y. at my age (13) and then he went to college and met my mom and experienced being with a woman and turned straight.

Just be careful and don't do anything stupid and you'll figure it out.

Beau

lonewolf678's picture

Sexual orientation and labels are weird

Some people fit into them, some don't. You shouldn't hate yourself for being a little different. But there are many variables at play here, I recommend you just sleep on it. Don't dwell on it too much, you like guys, you like guys. You end up liking girls, you like girls. Maybe you like both, just take your time figuring it out.