i keep trying to make friends and hang out with people and they all ditch me
my best friend doesn't even like me
i don't fucking understand what's so bad about me
my sister ruined my graduation by screaming at me and calling me a bitch right after i came out with my diploma
just so much keeps going wrong. i keep applying at places for a job, no job yet.
it's so lonely. every time itry to make new friends ot keep old friends it just blows up in my face. i'm so unimportant, and even a negative in people's lives. i've had multiple tell me that i make their lives negative, that i ruin their lives, that i make them depressed.
i know, you guys have only ever really seen me when i'm depressed or angsty, especially in my teenage years. but i really made a dedication to become a better person, and nothing has paid off.
people don't know or don't care at how much i'm cutting. i mean i have these gashes a centimeter deep, i'm losing so much blood every day. i wish people felt as scared for me as i am. i wish they all cared.
i wish i wasn't me, i wish i was somebody that people remembered and wanted to spend time with and didn't flake out on. i'm trying so fucking hard. i want to die so bad but i'm too fucking scared.
i ask why people treat me like shit. i get told i don't stand up for myself. so i stand up for myself. then those same friends get mad and cut me out oft their lives beacuse they cant handle the responsibility of owning up to their fuckups.
best friend 'cant hnadle my big girl problems, they make her feel depressed and horrible' so icant even tell her when im feeling awful
this is all whiny and i dont care, im just so exhaustted of people