I need coming out advice!

Dachshund_lover123's picture

I cant remember how I figured out I was lesbian, I do all my major thinking at night so I think I was half asleep at the time. Both my parents are either psychologists or social workers so they're super cool about it and my only other sibling took it really well, and I don't really have a religion. But my family are the only people that know. Right now, its hard to be lesbian. I'm twelve, you may think that is way to young to know if I'm lesbian but I just know, you know? I've always been mentally more mature than most people in my grade. My school and town is very small, insensitive, and slightly homophobic. Luckily I'm switching schools. Lately I have been sort of depressed. (shows how bad my school is) I have a huge crush on my best friend's second best friend. So I am around her, LIKE ALL THE TIME. She's also going to a new school this year, and I think about her all the time. It's not like I can tell her " Hey I like you a lot we should go out some time." 1) We are way to young to date 2) What if she isn't lesbian? 3) She might have a crush on this other person who is male. He might be gay though, or he might have a crush on my best friend or ( gag) me. So my last problem is this: the previously mentioned best friend doesn't know I'm lesbian. I want to tell her but if I do there could be some serious problems such as trust issues; my two other so called "best friends" stabbed me in the back this year, what if she does the same? Again we are in middle school friend ships are changing, what if she stopes being my friend and tells the whole school? She is catholic so what if she thinks my entire being is a sin? I know she has some lesbian aunts that she loves but what if I'm different? What if she thinks I have a crush on her, which is like having a crush on my sister (gross)
Well, thanks for reading! I hope to get some comments I could use all the help I can get. I have some advice for those of you who don't want to be gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, or just other: you are beautiful. Even if it doesn't seem like it now there are people out there who love you. You can bend the religion that says other wise a little. You deserve to be happy and healthy and you deserve the very best. I think of it this way, If god does exist why would he make his creations imperfect? Technically we are just another form of perfection. We only live once according, to some people. Why waste it being unhappy with our selves?


jeff's picture


Welcome to Oasis!

I think the best thing is to separate coming out and dating into two completely separate entities.

It is always a bad scene to combine coming out and asking out into one activity, so it is better to first come out to people (whenever that seems appropriate), not necessarily everyone, and then after that news has been absorbed and processed, you have more freedom to talk about crushes and dating and all of that without it being strange, since why wouldn't an open lesbian talk about their lives the same way?

Let's break down your other concerns:

1) We are way to young to date

No one your age is dating at your school? No one? That seems hard to believe.

2) What if she isn't lesbian?

This is a premature question, since she doesn't yet know your sexuality. Once she knows your sexuality, and you know hers (since talking about yours gives you a freedom to talk about it in general with her), then you can proceed. The obvious answer is if she isn't lesbian (or bisexual), you can't date her. The question no one ever wonders about: What if she's a lesbian and not into you? Sexuality is barely the starting point for compatibility.

3) She might have a crush on this other person who is male.

That's her problem, not yours. She doesn't know you're a lesbian, or interested, so yeah, she will go and do lots of other things if she doesn't know all of the options available to her.

As you have already learned, best friends can easily reveal themselves as not being your friend. If you fear her telling the school, don't tell her anything. The lesbian aunts would seem to be a big clue that she might be OK with it, and it seems like you telling her you don't have a crush on here should be all the proof she would need that you don't.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Dachshund_lover123's picture

Thank you

Yes, no one is dating at my (old) school. Two people did but it only lasted about a week. I don't know if people have started dating in my new school. If my friend has a crush on this other person who is male I will be happy for her. Feeling you love some one who is not related to you is beautiful and wonderful, straight or not. The "what if she isn't lesbian?" question is directed towards my other friend who I DO have a crush on. The question has been answered, the entire of last year she had a crush on a guy named Bubba. She might not know her sexual orientation though. Either way my heart feel shattered. Thanks for the advice.