do you think it is a place of peace that place i must retreat to when i close my eyes and think of nights of yore when i was young and foolish?
do you think i wish to sleep when all i know is darker dreams of stinking breath and bloodstained underwear?
hateful black and endless nights of dying days and frightened child i dream as
sleep oh little girl and dream for once of things unlikely, dream of flowers growing ever, dream of children singing sweetly, dream of childhood, not of fear and blood
blood is all you've known since those nights; blood has been your true companion, blood on teeth and bloodied knuckles, bloody dreams and bloody eyes, blood beneath your fingernails,
shitting blood and shitting semen- this has been your history- how many men have been your master?
i dream of nights of restful slumber in my waking fantasy and yet at night i do but hunger for new masters.
And as I stand here, strange and fearful,
beholding heaven at the peak,
I know that to complete my journey
still stranger pastures must I seek.