So I had to go out shopping this morning. Went for groceries with Yaya. And while we were at Publix I started feeling really dysphoric, and felt like I really needed to get out of there, but I knew I had to stay and help so I did for a while, because we had a fairly short list and we should be out soon and whatnot. But Yaya starts looking for stuff not on the list and I start getting really anxious, and so I ask her if we can try to stick to the list because I'm really uncomfortable; she doesn't know what 'dysphoria' is, and even though I explained it when we got home I still don't think she gets it. But when I asked if we could stick to the list she got so annoyed with me, and kinda angrily asked if I wanted to go out to the car. I said no, because I had to choose food to cook for Veronica. But she was so annoyed at me. And so I spent the whole time at the grocery store feeling like shit and like I wanted to cut off my head because I felt like I hadn't shaved well enough and my bra didn't fit and I looked so stupid and people were staring at me like they were confused and I was so miserable and so angry and so hurt and all Yaya felt was annoyance that I was rushing her through the grocery store because she didn't and couldn't know what I was feeling. And that's why I'm tired of cis people.
It's because they just don't get it.
Every day I go out, and I fear that I don't look enough like a girl. And I'm afraid that if the wrong person sees me, and I don't look enough like a girl, if I look like a fucking tranny, they might kill me.
Cis people? They just don't fucking get it.