damn

anarchist's picture

Just when I was feeling happy, school came around and made me depressed again. Pretty much everybody I talked to last year is now gone, so I spent a lot of time just walking around, like last year except now with even less friends. Fuck all the lower grades. Thane and Nosaj are the only people I talk to who are still here, and I barely got any time with either of them.

The bus also drove right past me this morning, so I had to walk the four miles to school. It surprisingly only took about an hour, but it gave me a lot of painful sores on my feet because I was wearing new shoes and I wasn't wearing socks. Then I sat through horrible classes, skipped lunch because I don't know anyone there, and went home tired and stagnant, just like last year. I can't wait for this to be over.

Comments

Roamer's picture

On the bright side...

this is your Senior year (I think???).

I hope you have a good year, and don't let a rough start spoil any positivity. I've had more than a few rough starts at new schools, but it's made me tougher.

The worst one was when I ended up going to a really bad school where 99% of the students were not my race...I got the crap beat out of me! Ended up we were somehow given the wrong information. I home schooled the remainder of the time I was there!

I'm really glad you're writing on here again!

(Alex)

anarchist's picture

i normally get over rough starts after a couple of weeks.

i'll probably get over this one as well, but it sucks because this is just like last year, but with even less friends now. and last year was awful because i was depressed half the time and i spent most of the year just wandering around, bored out of my mind. i really miss the way things were a year ago, but then again that's how every school year is at first for me. i guess i'm mostly upset about having really boring classes with strangers, though i have one class with henta, which would be a lot nicer if we sat closer together.

i'm kind of scared of the school year ending, though, because i'm terrified of losing contact with henta after i'm out of high school and he's still in for another year. i don't know if we could stay as close that way as we do while we're in school together. besides that, i'm actually really happy with how quickly our friendship got back up to speed. it's like it was on pause the whole summer, and now it's right back where it left off. he's always good at making everything else seem like it never happened.

swimmerguy's picture

I sympathize with your plight

School made me so unhappy it gave me lactose intolerance. But now that I'm out of high school, summer so far has in many ways made me even less happy. Now, since all my friends are gone and my school hasn't started and won't for another 3 weeks, I'm just kinda... here.
School, for all of my life that it wasted, at least gave me a structured life to waste. Now all that's left is the life that I structure, which is sadly little. There have been bright spots, plenty of them, but also a lot of bad days.

Hopefully going to university will cure my ills.

But remember to always look at the bright side of life. Even though I'm a directionless middle class malcontent, at least my bourgeois life gives me the leisure to quaff booze and read interesting stuff until I convince myself I accomplished something.
I'm not like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aF9AJm0RFc
Now that's active pain. That's not me, and won't be for the forseeable future. I have the pleasure of being numb, instead of in pain.
Join me.

elph's picture

You need to be shaken... not stirred! Then, a friendly embrace!

Not hyperbole… but this melancholy post leaves me in a lachrymal state. You must banish that metaphorical shield you employ so eloquently (and deceptively) to protect your personal sovereignty!

You do have friends!

I like most of Johnny Cash… but the clip you selected was almost certainly his final statement… and epitaph. :(

This is not you… but quaffing booze to achieve a transitory (false?) sense of serenity (especially in a non-social environment) can be extremely damaging to one possessing such a capable mind as yours.

Please… don't disappoint me… or yourself!

Again… PLEASE!