anarchist's picture

it's probably been at least a month since i've posted in here. but i've gotten a lot happier now, and i'm fortunately no longer in the state i've been in. it seemed pretty endless, but i've finally recovered from complete nihilism, and now i'm only in the partially nihilistic state that's normal for me, though i'm still struggling to identify the creator of this universe, and what really is behind the illusion of life. but that can wait for now.

i've been writing a bit of poetry inspired by this spiritual ambiguosity, and keeping it in an old journal i found in my room. i'm quite proud of what i write, but i don't really know what to do with it all, since i don't want to post everything here (for confidentiality reasons) and i can't think of any ways to apply it to music, which would be the most ideal conclusion. maybe i'll show my writings to someone i know who could give me advice. any suggestions will be appreciated.

things have been going alright. i've been spending a lot of time alone indoors unfortunately, but i get out sometimes on the weekends, and do things in DC and virginia. i also just ordered one of my favorite albums on vinyl, Lunatic Harness by µ-Ziq, an album that i've posted on here many times throughout the time i've been a member. it cost me $50 but it was definitely worth it. it's a fantastically beautiful and nostalgic album, and severely underrated. (and, coincidentally, it was released just a few months after i was born.) now i just have to wait for it to arrive from Belgium.

school is beginning in about ten days and i am not prepared. i have not done any of the summer assignments yet, and my sleeping schedule is pretty much at a nocturnal level, which is its natural state. now school's going to fucking ruin it again. at least i'll get to talk to people soon.

i might add more later. i don't know. have some really good music:


Beau's picture

I'm glad you're back writing

I'm glad you're back writing on here, it hasn't been the same without you on here!


Roamer's picture

I'll second Beau on that,

I'll second Beau on that, your journals are interesting and one of the reasons I still come to this site!

Roamer (Alex)

anarchist's picture

thanks to both of you

i've never really considered myself very interesting, so it's a surprise that people on this web site actually do. most people aren't interested in me much in real life.

jeff's picture


"i'm still struggling to identify the creator of this universe, and what really is behind the illusion of life."

Umm, God did. Easy.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

anarchist's picture

I'm not into Christianity right now.

I just don't like how specific it is with everything. I don't understand how some guy in the desert who talked to a bush and walked around for years looking for Israel is relevant to the meaning of existence. Maybe it's all an incredibly intricate and complex metaphor, but if it is it would take a lifetime to interpret, and I don't feel like taking on that mission right now when I'm not sure the book means anything at all. Plus, I'd need to learn ancient Greek and Hebrew for my interpretation to be anywhere close to accurate.

I still think that Laozi's philosophy is the closest to what I feel to be the case, though my version is a bit more solipsistic.