The Empty Seat At The Table

Beau's picture

I've been busy since I last wrote on here, but now I finally have time to do a update that isn't rushed.

I think anyone who has been reading my journals knows my relationship with my mom is over, but part of me is hanging to to hope that there's something wrong with her that's causing her irrational behavior. I've talked to everyone in my family about this, and they all are shocked that I would even feel this way. Dad told me that's he's proud of me...and he's also told me that he doesn't want me to get hurt.

I have a picture of her and I in my room and I won't take it down, I guess I need to know that at one point she loved me and that photo is proof of that. Colin's asked me why I keep it up many times, but I also can't get the nerve to take it down.

This year dad took me back to school shopping, but I'm not a big clothes person and even with a $1000 budget I didn't spend half of it. Basic stuff, cargo shorts, tees, and two hoodies with my school's name on it, one to keep in my locker just in case. I feel bad having that much money to spend on school clothes when Colin's mom has a third of that to spend on her three sons.

(I found a solution to this problem, but I'll write about that soon!)

Right after the drama with my mom at the Italian restaurant, I was with my dad and he got a call from a client asking to see a particular house, and dad asked me if I'd be okay going with him. It was short notice, but as he always say, that's the life of a Realtor. He told me the family was on a tight budget and really wanted more house than they could afford, and he was hoping this would work for them.

We drove to a house that's very similar to ours a few blocks from where we live and the family was already there. Mom and dad and two kids, a girl that's 8 and a boy who's 12. Dad introduced me and the family was cool that I was there, even said how much I look like my dad.

Inside, the house was just like ours, and dad gave the tour pointing out the features and answering questions, and the mom kept saying how it was too small and needed too much work. I don't know how he does it?

The last thing we did was go up to the bonus room above the garage, and I started talking. Their son had the same look of "oh wow!" when he saw the room and I told his parents how we have a similar house and that I made this room into my bedroom.

Funny thing is, dad let me continue. I told them about how we fixed up the bathroom, put in a kitchenette, and turned a two bedroom house into a three for a small amount of money. I even showed them pictures of my room I have on my phone.

Dad talked with the parents for a while, then said they'd keep in touch. On the ride home I apologized for talking too much and he told me that he was impressed with how I carried myself, and that he thinks they're going to buy it.

A couple days ago dad told me that the family had purchased the house, and they wanted me to come to the closing. I was happy for them because I knew they'd love the house, but they wanted to thank me in person.

It was nice to see them again, and since their son Tyler will be going to my school for 7th grade it's good that he already has a friend. I like him, nice easy personality, but I'm worried about what will happen when he finds out I'm gay?

After the closing dad told me he had to stop by the bank, and a few minutes later he came out and we drove home. He told me that I basically sold the house, and that it had been on the market for a long time since most people want at least a three or four bedroom home.

Then he handed me a thick bank envelope and told me he decided to split his commission with me as a thank you. I was speechless, I never expected him to do something like that. He told me that I should save some of it but he wants me to have some fun with the money.

I opened the envelope in my room and it was full of the new $100 bills, and there we lots of them.

I went over to Colin's house, and it turned out to be bad timing. They had gotten back from back to school shopping and their mom was saying how they'd need to wear some of last years clothes and they'd have to make do. Colin seemed cool with it (he's even less of a clothes person than me) but his brothers we pissed.

I was in the kitchen with Colin and his mom and I told them about the house closing and dad's generosity, and I handed her the $400 I had in my pocket that I was going to show Colin. I told her to take it and buy the boys some clothes and school supplies.

She gave me this funny look, and then said " can't take honey, that's your money...the boys will be fine."

I started crying, and I told her that we were going to be family one day, and that family members help each other out. She run her fingers through my hair and hugged me and I told her that I didn't have a mom anymore, and she's the closest thing I'll have to one.

I started crying real hard, and just couldn't stop. The reality of suddenly not having a mom just hit me, and it hurts beyond belief.

I'm lucky though, and thankful for what I have, even though there's an empty seat at our table.



swimmerguy's picture

I'll admit I haven't been reading your journals

But this is all interesting. How old are you? It seems like you're set up for at the very least a very interesting life.

Beau's picture

I'll be fourteen at the end

I'll be fourteen at the end of the year.

You're right, but my life is interesting now :-)

I like your new journal, very interesting stuff!