When You Think Things Can't Get Worse They Will

Beau's picture

The last ten days have been rough, just hellish.

Last week my mom made a surprise visit when dad wasn't home, but it wasn't to say "hi" or check on me. Since the cable was in her name she had to return the modem and DVR to not get the super high equipment charge, and she came to collect them.

Or as she said, "Give me the fucking modem and DVR right now you little pervert!!!"


But it didn't end there. All the utilities were in her name and she had them all disconnected.

"Give me your fucking phone NOW!!!!"

That was in her name too, my iPhone. Luckily I had synced it the night before so I didn't lose anything.

On my phone was a selfie of me kissing Colin and mom sent a coming out text to all my contacts with that picture attached to it. So now all my friends know, something I really wasn't planning on doing anytime soon. I think they're all still my friends but I keep hearing the same thing...

"But...you so STRAIGHT acting?"


As promised, it gets worse.

On Sunday both sets of my grandparents were in town to visit us, and as proof of their awesomeness, show their support and love for my brother Michael and I, as well as for our dad. I expected my mom parents to stand behind her, but they're not. They are just as upset with her as we are.

Michael had asked them to come and visit us this past Sunday, and we met at our favorite Italian restaurant. We had reserved one of the private rooms, and after lots of hugs and kisses we sat down to order our food.

Mom showed up, sat at the end of the table and didn't say a word. She only came because Michael begged her to, and she even told her parents she wouldn't come.

This is where my mom showed her true hateful personality.

We were all drinking wine (mine was watered down but still good) and Michael gave a toast to our family, then gave one to Colin and I, and then said there was a very special reason he wanted us all to be together that day.

He got down on one knee in front of his boyfriend Dalton and pulled out a gold ring and asked him to marry him. Of course he said "Yes!"

I don't want to go into details of the rant my mom went into, but it just proved to us what a pathetic person she has become.

And yes, it gets worse.

She left the room, and came back and looked me in the eye and told me the words that made me decide to end my relationship with her:

"I should have aborted you when I had the chance...now the world has another fucking faggot!!!!"

I'll never let her take that back.

Just in case anyone's worried, I'm not suicidal or anything. I'm just beyond hurt right now.

I'll be okay, I know there's lots of people behind me. And I have Colin, and Colin has me. Someday I'll stop hating my mom, but maybe it's not hate? She let me down, and I don't know that I can ever forgive her?

We got out utilities back on, and our cable, and dad bought me a iPhone 5s, which I didn't expect him to do. Somehow I managed to get my old number back and almost all of my friends sent a text basically telling me they were there for me. Two of my friends won't respond back, but I guess I should expect that?

Thanks for reading this, I feel better now.



Roamer's picture

I've been reading your

I've been reading your journals for a while now, and what you wrote in this one made me create an account on here.

There's something wrong with your Mom, maybe physical or mental? The sudden change in her toward you really doesn't seem that normal, and could be a sign of something seriously wrong with her. From your earlier journals it sounded like you two were close, now she's telling you she wished you were never born. Doesn't add up.

I hope that someday things will go better for you and her, but at least you're surrounded by people that care a great deal about you.

Roamer (Alex)

jeff's picture


One hopes she isn't this anti-gay for religious reasons given what a nasty piece of work she is...

I wouldn't wonder about your relationship with her any more than you should wonder about your relationship with a dead relative. There's certainly nothing to do on your end, just let her stew in her hate until she rots or finds a better version of Jesus to follow. The one in the New Testament isn't bad (although his father was a bit of a hothead in the first book).

As for coming out, well, I always say there is never a good way to come out. But it is one less thing you have to worry about doing now. So, you sorted out which friends are real, and which will disappear. In that case, you only accelerated time and can give more time to your real friends, so no damage there.

Mom's a moron, you have a support system, and you're out now... all you did was accelerate time and see how your life would have ended up if this took a lot longer.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles