January 2000


Since I could walk and talk, my drive has been write, write, and write. Also since I could walk and talk, I've had an interest in theater (okay back then it was called acting). For years, they were on parallel lines. For the last few months, my feelings have been split. Part of me would like to put out that hope that I'll find someone. Part of me really does not believe that at all. Add these feelings to my feelings on writing and theater and I found myself on a collision course with...destiny?

It started when I walked into a room with a damsel in distress. She needed help on an assignment. While I was hesitant and worried that I had no time, I agreed to help. It was a fun acting scene. There were rehearsals and I actually loved them. It was like finding a lost part of me since I haven't been committed to theater in almost three years.

So much havoc was happening in my life during this project that it was a relief to be someone else. It also reawaken my theater fire. The conflict occurred because my interest in theater made me reconsider my major. For two years and a half, I've never doubted the direction of my major...before now. I could see myself actually teaching theater someday...something I cannot see with my English major. Then there was the guy thing.

I've been testing the waters. Of course, I would be interested in guys, but...the more that I see of things around me I just can't help, but feel a sad despair. How long before you start to wonder what's wrong when you have a nice personality (proven by rehearsals), but only your friends have boyfriends? Are you too picky or just guys think you're ugly for a relationship or even dating (oh, but not a roll in the hay...twisted logic)?

It's thoughts like that that plague my mind constantly. I just see two styles in the guys here: bitchy or deceiving. There's no substance to them at all. I just retreated into my rehearsals for my friend's acting scene. It was more fun in the fact that I was having fun as someone else than being me and miserable. My friend's project winded up a few weeks ago. My major now? It's still English, but I might minor in Theater. I'm not saying there isn't still conflict. Both schools take a lot of commitment and I also have a job. Maybe I'll switch them around. I don't know.

The guy thing? Moral is low in that and each day that pas by just reinforce that nothing ever turns out right for me there. I've just lost total faith in guys. So the score would have to be: Life: 1 1/2; Me: 1/2


Thoughts, comments, moral support can be sent to aob999@goplay.com

About the Author
©1995-2000 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.