January 2000

Hi all, ready for a real kick in the ass? If you are, I congratulate you, because I sure as hell wasn't. OK, let the ass-kicking commence.

On the late evening of Thanksgiving Day, Nov. 26, I was having a phone conversation with my best friend. We talked a little while about petty things, but then she told me something important. She came out to me as a bisexual. She was perfectly calm in the delivery, as was I in the acceptance.

In a strange way, it didn't come as a shock to me, but it did. She also revealed, with permission, that two long distance friends we have, one in Michigan, one in North Carolina, were bi or gay as well. At this point I'm marveling that somehow a group of friends such as us came together and were all bi or gay. We talked a little while longer about it, how long had she known, who did she like, was I comfortable with it, etc. It was probably some time around 11:00 p.m. that I asked her what she thought of me.

I couldn't tell her unless she asked, but I could ask her to ask. After getting through some things, she, in her words, asked. "Are you...." and I finished her sentence by saying yes. The final kick in the ass of the night. She was way cool with it, as I expected her to be now, but I was suffering a breakdown. I think I scared her. I was crying, and blubbering, sniffling, not a pretty sight. I basically poured my whole gay existence out to her over the phone: my suicide attempts, how I grew up with it, who I liked, etc. We talked about so many years in about 2 hours time.

That will always be the most memorable phone call of my life. It caught me off guard. I surely didn't expect to hear her come out to me on Thanksgiving Day and then about an hour or two later do so myself. We are closer friends now, and he only thing that has changed is that we are more open about personal things with each other now. Each of our out-of-state friends know I am out as well. But, I still remain 'in' with my family, and the friends I see on a day to day basis.

Now, I want to clarify that this article is here to inform, not to tell you to come out now. I know you've heard this million of times, but it is your choice to come out, which I realized for the first time when I did that night. If you're thinking about it now, keep thinking about it until you decide what you're comfortable with. I obviously am still hesitant to come out because I will only come out to those I know I can trust, because they are going through and have went through what I am. As I said, this has not drastically changed my life besides being more open with my bi friends. So draw a decision when you want to. Look for no one's acceptance besides your own.

This is all I have to inform you upon this month, but I am quite sure new things will have developed by next month. Your reading is appreciated.

Adieu all friends and good-bye all enemies,


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