Chapter 6, Part 3
We drove to a nearby city to eat at a late night cafe. We all ordered coffee and Ryan ordered some tortilla chips and salsa. Not exactly my choice with coffee, but Ryan was sort of strange. I talked Scott into splitting a basket of jalapeno 'poppers'-- these little peppers and cheese inside of a fried bread -- with me, and then we both ordered colas when we realized that drinking coffee to try to get rid of a hot taste in your mouth wasn't too smart. Kyle just sat there and drank his coffee, he didn't look like he enjoyed it too much, he was either a very tough java critic, or, more likely, he hadn't gotten used to the taste of coffee yet. I was like that at first too, but then I discovered the wonderful cappuccino. I thought of mentioning it to Kyle, but I also didn't want to embarrass him by making it known he didn't really drink coffee, or in other words wasn't as mature as the rest of us, as drinking coffee would seem to permit. That was bull, though, because Ryan drank coffee, smoked, did all sorts of adult-like things, but was very, very far from maturing into something above a seventh grader. He had smarts and all, he just never got past the motivation, cares, and logic of a kid. He had the heart of one, too. I'm sure we all did, still do, but with things to keep our minds preoccupied, like relationships (or lack there of), school grades, and friends, it makes it hard to just forget about it all for a day or moment and just enjoy the present, have fun without thinking what's going to happen next.
Kinda like what I was doing with Kyle. All night I couldn't get out of my head thoughts that were months from now, how we were going to get around certain problems, how we were going to deal with school, I didn't even have room to marvel at the fact that, at least as far as I knew, I had a boyfriend! Sometimes I would just look over at him and almost start to cry, to try to see this beauty that from a distance I only would have stared at and dreamt about, was now up close and belonged to me, had something to do with me! I mattered in this person's life, I wasn't just an onlooker, I was a key part.
We finished our food, watched some locals play a few songs, and left. The drive home was quiet and peaceful. Ryan was asleep in the front, and Kyle slid his arm under mine and interlocked our fingers. We held hands and he leaned his head on my shoulder. I slouched back and brought my arm around him, never breaking our lock. I pulled him up close, and laid back against the car's interior. I could smell his hair, I could smell him. It entranced me and filled me with lust and also a deep and caring sense of compassion for my guy. It was more than I ever wanted, and it was all I would protect forever, I would never let anything bad happen to him. At that time I wanted to grow up with this kid, to live on and on with him, and die with him. I know things change and so do feelings, but at that moment in time I would've argued a very different opinion.
We got back to our town and Ryan started to wake up, so I had to disconnect from Kyle. He scooted back over to his side and I was almost angry at Ryan for waking up. I started to yawn and Scott said:
'Well, sounds like the group is tired, there wasn't a peep the whole way back. Time to head home, eh?' Scott turned on towards Ryan's street. After dropping off Ryan, Scott arrived at my house. He said goodbye to Kyle and stopped me as I was getting out of the car.
'Hey, Jack, what's up? You and this kid already inseparable or what?' 'Yeah, I dunno, maybe. Whatever we are right now I'm quite content with. This is so cool.' 'Great, Scott said, ' this is surprising, I never thought you'd even talk to the kid! So, like, I guess you have fun tonight, be careful, though, it is your parents' place. 'Yeah, yeah, I know. Hey, you have a good night, too.' I looked back and Kyle was already up to the porch.
'OK, yeah, jeee-sus, I can't believe it, the eternally picky Jack finally finds somebody, man, that's heavy. See ya later.' Scott shifted into reverse.
'Ok, see ya.' I shut the door and turned back to Kyle, who was standing waiting on my porch. I walked over to him and hugged him.
'What are you doing, what if someone sees!' Kyle said as we embraced.
'Oh well, we'll give em a show! No, really, there's no one up this hour, don't worry about it.'
'Alright, but could we go inside, I'm freezing,' Kyle said.
I unlocked and opened the door and crept inside. The dog met us at the door, but didn't bark at Kyle like I originally thought she would. She must've sensed something good about him. I dropped off my coat and led Kyle upstairs to my bedroom.
My room was a total mess, and for once I was conscious of it. I threw some stuff around and turned on the light. Kyle blinked and looked up at me. I looked back at him, then looked away. Ok, we were here, now what? I took off my shoes and Kyle followed suit. After placing them away in a corner, I sat down at my computer and told Kyle to sit and make himself at home, I was going to check my email. I flipped on the stereo, low so to not disturb the rest of the house, and offered Kyle something to drink.
'Um, water, if ya got it, I'm kinda parched, I didn't really drink much of that coffee.
'I'll be right back.'
I got up and went downstairs to get a glass of water. I got myself a glass of juice and ate a breath mint. Hey, could you blame me? Back upstairs Kyle was laying stomach down on my bed looking at a magazine, he was wearing nothing but boxers and a smaller t-shirt that I hadn't worn forever.
'You said make yourself at home, hope you don't mind I borrowed one of your shirts.' He looked up and said, smiling.
'Nah, that doesn't fit me anyway.' I said and sat back at my computer. I had received three new email messages, one was from a friend in town, Julie, who wanted me to come fix her computer. I guessed it wasn't so urgent if she could send me an email. The other two were from net friends who wondered how my recent developments were going along. I emailed them back and told them I was finding out now. I logged off and shut off my monitor.
'So, what do you wanna do?' I asked. That was a stupid question, but I was nervous as hell.
'I don' t know. What about you?' He said, putting down the magazine.
There was a silence, and we both looked at the floor. I got up, took off my shirt and pants, and laid down beside Kyle, it was a king size bed, anyway. My parents gave me their old one when they bought a new one. I was laying on my back and Kyle was on his stomach. I looked him in the eye, he did the same. I leaned on my side, and he propped up on his. I reached over and held him and we kissed. We made out like that for awhile, then he broke the kiss and looked down at the bed.
'What' s wrong? I asked.
'Are we supposed to, you know, have sex or something?' He talked soft and quiet.
'We could, but are you ready to?' I massaged his shoulder.
'I've always dreamed of it like this, but now that I can, I really don't think I am. I mean, we did just meet. I want to get to know you better, although I already have good feeling about you.' He looked up and smiled.
'Good, I kinda wasn't either, I just thought you really wanted too, I don't know, I also kinda wanted too, I guess, but it will be much better when we both do.'
'So, wanna do something tomorrow?'
'How about a movie, in another town, of course, I don't want to have your reputation ruined by having everyone see you with a fag.'
He sounded bitter on those last words. Not towards me, though, I sensed.
'Hey, don t forget, I'm one, too, we're in this together now.' I lifted up his chin and kissed him.
'What are we going to do, are you going to come out or what?' He suddenly looked worried.
'I don't know, really. How about we talk all this over later, I'm pretty tired, it's been a long night.' I was tired, but also avoiding the subject, the fact that there was no way I could come out, it was impossible for me to live that way, but it was also impossible for me to live with Kyle in a certain way in secret, too.
'Yeah, that sounds great, I'm tired, too. How are we handling the, uhm, sleeping arrangements?' He said. 'I'd kinda like it if you fell asleep in my arms, I've always dreamt about that.' I smiled at him.
Kyle shifted around till his back was to me and snuggled under my arms. We shared a big pillow and entwined our legs together. I laid there and almost shivered, I felt so comfortable and peaceful, I felt like no one else in the world mattered, no one could harm us. We were invincible as long as we had each other, that was all we needed to survive. I drifted asleep to dream of some distant and even more perfect future, I was going to have to dream higher tonight, since a part of my previous dreams had actually come true. It was truly amazing.
We awoke the next morning still entangled together. I woke first, looking over at Kyle breathing slowly and bathed in the morning sunlight. I studied the intricate details of his face, his long eyelashes and the few tiny freckles on his upper cheek. He had a small amount of peach fuzz on his upper lip, but it wasn't like first fuzz, I guessed he had shaved before. Near his sideburns it was getting a little rough, too, though the haircut line actually stopped just at the ear. I could see his nostrils inflate and deflate again. Kyle's hair was ruffled, and it looked a lighter color in bright light.
Kyle slowly opened his eyes. He saw me, and then smiled. He still looked a little disorientated from sleeping, like he didn't know what was going on. I reached up and stroked his hair, then down his cheek and neck and finally his chest. I could tell we both had that morning problem all teen boys have, I knew mine was and his was touching my leg through his boxers. All of a sudden Kyle reached down and grabbed mine, and a jolt of pleasure shot up through me, tearing my eyes. He only grabbed the shaft, pulled up a bit and then let go. He started giggling a bit. So I decided to jolt him. I reached down and grabbed his, which was more delicate and a little bit smaller from what I could gather through the boxers, but still pretty thick and long. I pulled up and then let go, just like he did. His eyes rolled up and shut, he breathed in and smiled. I leaned over and kissed him. He met that, and kissed back. This was complete heaven, I couldn't think of anything more I could ever want, the world's problems seemed to melt away in this bed with this person. But only as quick as I thought this did I hear my door begin to open. There was a staircase that led up to my room, so I had a few seconds before anyone was actually in my room, or I was visible to them, so I quickly shot up.
'Hey, Jack, could you get up and take me to Mark's house?' My brother, Tommy, asked.
Good thing he didn't come upstairs, to see Kyle and I sitting straight up in bed with wood enough to last an entire winter with was enough to freak anyone out, including my brother. He was only ten, anyway, and didn't need to even know such things existed. He probably already did, though, kids were being exposed to certain things younger and younger these days.
'Uh, yeah, just gimme fifteen minutes to get ready, ok?' I said back to him.
He said, left and shut the door behind him.
I looked over at Kyle with a wide look in my eyes, not fear, but simple acknowledgment, knowing that we were going to have a tough time with all this.
We both got up out of bed, dressed, and I threw a sheet and a pillow out of my closet on to the floor, and ruffled them a bit. Mom or someone would probably be up to get clothes or dished or something, and since she'll see Kyle when we go downstairs, She'll know she has to wash or fold or do something with whatever was messed up while I had a friend stay-over. It wouldn't look to good for her to see that they had slept in the same bed as me, as that wasn't accepted around my house, at least not at this age.
We walked downstairs together and I put on my jacket. Morning as usual, breakfast being made, paper being read, brother nagging for something. I got out my keys and headed for the door.
'Hold up, I don't think we've ever met your new friend before.' My father said from behind his paper. He lowered it and got up. He walked over and held out his hand to Kyle.
Kyle took it and gave it a good shake. 'Kyle Rusnick,' he said.
'John Collins, and this is my wife, Cindy, and I think you've already met Tommy, Jack's little brother.' He smiled and backed up.
'Ok, cool, you know him, we gotta go.' I said, pulling on Kyle and Tommy.
'Uh, Jack, before you go, don't forget to check your oil, you haven't in awhile.' My father said as he was pouring a cup of coffee.
'I don' t plan on us picking up the bill this time, Jack, you have a job, you can pay for it.' My mother said.
'Right, gotta go.' I said and walked out the door, following the other two.
I drove across town and dropped my brother off. Then I drove out to the strip, with the intention to get some breakfast. I pulled into a fast food restaurant and we got out. Kyle followed me in and we ordered some food. Sitting down to eat, I noticed Kyle looking around.
'What's wrong?' I asked, with a puzzled expression on my face.
'Nothing, really, just kinda, I don't know, paranoid.' He was looking out the window.
'Don't worry, I think the bashers are sleeping in around now.' I smiled.
'Aren't you worried to be seen with me?' Kyle asked.
'A little, but not really. It's only breakfast, it's not like we're at the movie theater in town alone or anything.' I starting eating my biscuit sandwich.
'Still....' Kyle said and trailed off.
We ate in silence. I was sure there was plenty to talk about, but the last conversation I think left us both paranoid, or at least a little bit awkward. I finished, dumped my tray, and Kyle finished not long after.
When we got back in the car, there was still silence. Just before turning out into the street, Kyle said:
'Go ahead and drop me off at my house, I need to do a few things and get a shower and stuff.' He still wasn't looking at me.
'Ok, you still want to do something with me tonight, right?' I was a little worried.
Kyle looked over at me and smiled. 'Of course, I'll give you a call around four o'clock, cool?'
'Cool. By the way, um, where exactly do you live?' I had no idea, probably because I had only met this kid the previous day.
'Over on Sherman St. Second house to the corner.' We arrived at his house, and stopped the car and looked over at him. We knew we couldn't do something as incredibly normal as give a goodbye kiss, and it hurt. I could see the frustration in his eyes. Instead, I reached over and gave his hand a good squeeze. He got out, shut the door, and I left.
I drove around a bit, and eventually found my way over to Scott's house. He was home, so I decided to stop in and see what was up. He answered the door and let me in. We walked up to his room and he put on a CD. I laid down on his bed and he took a seat. We both kinda just sat there a minute, till he finally croaked.
'Well?!' Scott demanded.
'Well, did you get it on or what?' Scott couldn't help but smile.
'Get what on? Scott, are you implying that I, being a very well mannered young adult, would actually try to get anything on with such a perfectly fine piece of ass such as Kyle?'
We both started cracking up.
'Yeah, yeah, well, did ya?'
'Nah, not really. We made out, quite a great experience, by the way, but other than that, we decided we weren't ready. He did sleep and wake in my arms, however. God, it was great.'
'Who decided that? You or Kyle?' Scott asked.
'Kyle, I guess. Truth was I really wasn't, either. I would've, you know me, but I really don't think I was ready. It was still a great night, though.'
'Cool. So, what are you up to tonight?'
'Uh, probably going to take Kyle out of town to see a movie or something. Thinking about eating somewhere fancy, maybe.'
'So, wait, since your both guys, who would pick up the tab naturally?'
'I guess me, I'm bigger and older. Besides, I do have a job and probably a better stash than Kyle.'
'Hmph.. Hey, Kyle doesn't by any chance have an incredibly hot sis, does he?' Scott looked up.
'I'll look into it. Whatever happened to you and What's her baby face?'
'I don't like her anymore, something about the nasty things she said actually turns me off, completely.' Scott moved over and sat on his weight bench, and started curling weights.
'I seriously can't wait for tonight, it's gonna be strange, but at the same time, exhilarating.' I stared at the ceiling.
'You really like this guy, don't you?' Scott said, or really grunted through curls.
'Yeah, it s amazing, like nothing I can explain, I've never felt this way about anyone or anything before, it's like every second I'm aware of him being there, and, of course, I'm aware of every second he's heavy, man.'
'You ever felt that way about a girl, Scott?' I asked.
'Yeah, it was that way between me and Carmi.'
Scott stopped curling and stared at the floor. It was a stupid question, I had forgotten about Carmi, Scott's first love. They had a great relationship, Scott was head over heals for her, until she cheated on him. I remember when I was there for him, he was almost as bad as I was, and a feeling of nostalgia with our situations came over me.
'I'm sorry about that, man, I shouldn't have reminded you of her.
'Don't worry about it, just enjoy what you have right now, don't spend it thinking about what's gonna happen like I did, Jack, realize what you have now so if it's gone tomorrow you won't have missed the point of it completely.'
Scott took a breath and started curling again. 'Thanks, and I won't, I promise.' I said, and Scott looked up at me and smiled. I told him I'd talk to him later, and headed out. I said hi to his parents and left. In the car, I started thinking about what Scott said. Had I been doing that? Had I only been thinking or worrying about what tomorrow would bring, instead of focusing on the fact that I had what I previously had spent all my time thinking about and wishing I had? If there is one truth I can really trust, it's that no matter how many times you achieve or make real your dreams, you never stop dreaming, the sky always gets, higher, and you always want more. Not that it wasn't nice now that I had a boyfriend, of course.
I got home around two o'clock, took a shower, got dressed, and played around on the computer a little bit. At three I checked movie times and watched TV, waiting for Kyle's call.
I got the call around three forty-five.
'It's me, Kyle.'
'Hey, what's up?
'Nothing much. My parents just got on to me because they realized they weren't going to have grandchildren, but other than that it's been bearable.'
Kyle sounded ok.
'Alright, well, wanna go see a movie, then?' I asked.
'Ok, could we go out to dinner first if there's time. I'm starving.'
'Yeah, sure, Movie doesn't start until seven.'
'I've got to ask my parents, hold on.' I heard him in the background yelling to his mom. I heard her ask who it was, and I heard Kyle say a friend. It was good of him not to discuss our relationship openly, I was happy he had decided to be patient with me at least a little in keeping our secret.
'She says it's OK. We're going out of town, right?'
'Yeah, that's the plan.'
'Ok, then, pick me up in like ten minutes.'
'Ok, will do. See ya.'
I hung up the phone an almost started laughing. I was going on a gay date for the first time on my life, hell, the first real serious date I'd ever had! I got up from the couch and went back upstairs to re-fix my hair and finish up anything else I might have to.
I left a note for my parents who had gone out to dinner themselves, told them I'd be back at midnight. Then I got in my car and left the driveway. I put some rock in the CD player and sped off to Kyle's house. It took about ten minutes to really find the place, it was hidden behind some trees. The second I pulled up Kyle jumped out of the doorway, forgetting to close the door behind him, then turning around and shutting it. He smiled when he saw me in the car, I unlocked the door and he got in. Instantly I smelled cologne, it smelled like Curve or something. I didn't wear a lot of the stuff usually because my father get sick when he smells perfumes and such.
'Hi,' he said.
'Hi,' I said.
I put the car in drive and we were off. It was quiet for awhile, I turned up the music and leaned back, driving with one arm on the wheel and the other relaxed near the shifter. After a minute of this Kyle reached down and threaded his fingers through mine. His hand squeezed shut around my own, the warmth and softness crawling all the way from my fingers up my arm and made me shudder. As soon as we were out of town on our way to the next one, he leaned over and put his head on my shoulder. Sometimes I think this kind of touch is ten times better than the best sexual touch. He sighed and I turned to him.
'What's wrong? I asked.
'Nothing... it's just, well, school going to be so hard, I wish we both could just drive away from this town and never come back.' He stared at the horizon.
'That would be nice. School isn't looking too good right now.
'What's so bad for you? You're liked by everyone, and at least thought of as straight.'
'I still worry about you and stuff, I don't want you to have to face all those people. It's going to hurt me as much as you, I love you that much.' I was getting sort of sappy.
'Yeah, love. You ever really even think about that? I mean, we've practically just thrown it around for the hell of it. It's easy for you to love me, it's not wrong for you because no one knows about it, real love isn't love you have to hide, it's love you can be proud of...' We sat in silence.
'You know I can't come out, it's just not possible. I just want to make it through this year'!
'I still have three.' Kyle interrupted.
'And then I can be whomever I want, and don't you worry, we'll get through this together, high school can be conquered.'
'How can we face this together when no one knows about us? How are you going to justify suddenly becoming so protective of me?!' He was getting hostile, but it only made him hold my hand tighter.
'I don't know.. I don't know. I just think we should cross each bridge as it comes, and deal with it together, no matter what others think. I don't have to explain myself, and I'll just be there. Let people think what they want, I don't care,' I said, heat filling my face.'
' I... I... I love you, there's nothing else I can think of to say. I really do love you, I'm not just labeling.' Kyle said.
'I know, just stay here with me, we don't need words, just being with you is enough for me to be happy.' I moved around until we were closer, and rested my own head on his. We were like that the rest of the drive to the next town.
Well, that's it for now, sorry I missed the conclusion to this story, but I don't think it finished yet. Sorry also it's so short this time, only three chapters, but I really didn't have the time this month, with working and Christmas and all. Thanks for reading and hope to see you next month! Mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org