Dearest Oasis Readers!
Hi, my name is Gary and I reside in central PA! It's really not THAT bad. Anywho, I hope your new year/millennium has started off with an absolute BANG. Well, let the column begin!
First of all, I've had some problems at school lately. Just a bunch of jock/arrogant guys saying crap to me in lunch and in the halls. Usually bigoted comments like this don't phase me, but compiled with other circumstances I've spent some moments frustrated and crying. Sometimes, life just isn't fair for a fag in central Pennsylvania.
I'm sure everyone can relate in some fashion. With this backlash upon me, I've spent a lot of time lately pondering about "gay" issues. Why did I choose to come out? Why do I choose to put myself through this crap? Is the gay community making POSITIVE strides and is it in all actuality worth it? (btw, I've read articles from Oasis where the writers are very critical of the word community. Babezz, we ARE a community~admitted or not) After a lot of thought though, I reached some monumental conclusions. First of all, even though I get occasional grief and hostility from fellow "classmates," I'm honestly glad I chose to come out. The only word I could come up with was =sacrifice=. Openly gay high school students put their ass on the line everyday. We owe our political and social victories to those who sacrifice daily. It's a part of the process, I suppose. Although unfortunate, it's a sad reality that others and I face daily.
Secondly, I met this kid from my area. He was nice, cute, all the "good" things I guess. And although he was closeted, I tried to maintain a friendship. Usually I try to keep my distance from closet cases because USUALLY they're a waste of my time. But honestly, I felt drawn to him in friendship. I am aware of the difficulty that some individuals go through and if he needed a friend, I wanted to be there for him. Ya know? Anyway, we were talking one night and I was asking him some personal questions. Not questions about sex or anything perverted, but about his choice to remain closeted. And his answer scared me, but in another sense made me think and opened up so many VENTING doors. This boy told me that he didn't want his friends to think differently of him, he was scared that they would make fun, he was scared that he would be known as the "gay."
I asked him, what is a "gay"? He replied something to the extent of limp wrist, heavy lisps, and just stereotypes like that. I'm not the manliest man out there, I am not RuPaul either, but unfortunately I took offense to his words. I then asked him, why would do people think limp wrists when they think gay? He theorized that flaming fags (to use his vocab) make it a point to flaunt their sexual preference and all adversity that is thrown to the gay community lies on the shoulders of out ones. The same *out* ones that have struggled, clawed, and fought for their rights. I mean that in a positive way of course. *kiss* Anywho... Flabbergasted, I swallowed my pride and kept my trap shut. As I thought about our fateful conversation, I reached yet another monumental conclusion. THE REASON WHY PEOPLE ASSOCIATE GAYS WITH THE FLAMBOYANT STEREOTYPES IS.*drum roll pllleeeeezeee* us "flamers" are the only ones totally out and honest with people. I mean, of course there are others but the majority of the openly gay community is feminine men. How many masculine guys do you see chewing some kid out for saying fag? I know~ I know~ there are some of you and I applaud you guys totally. But, in my opinion I dont think enough. I think people should STOP hooking up, throw out the cheeeezy one nite stands, and become at least knowledgable of your situation. Gawd! Excuse me guys, I'm venting,
Anyway, back to my "closeted" friend. After we talked about this I had to lighten the mood, so I asked him about political issues. And of course we discussed gay marriage. He was very outgoing in his opinion that gays should be allow to serve in the military, and of course being legally married. I, of course, agreed totally with him, but ironically in a sense I resented him for his views. First of all, here was a closet case that wasn't even willing to tell his BEST friend that he was gay, let alone cry for equality. Uckk! How the hell can he debate gay issues when he's not MAN enough to admit his sexuality to others? Ironic huh? (and they are the MANLY ones) ha!!!!!. Does that say something? Call me stupid someone! He doesn't really know the feelings and consequences of being gay. And sadly enough, there are thousands out there like him. It bursts my bubble that I'm taking abuse from society, while some hooch gets the best of both worlds. You face obstacles and challenges everyday that nobody experiences or understands unless you trudge through them yourself. I became frustrated and really depressed after all this. Gay people who are indecisive and spineless, in all actuality come back and haunt us. They are the ones you see thanking God for making them heterosexual. *rolls eyes* They are the ones who are sleeping around, causing havoc in our world and in our "quest" for equality. Although it sounds like an episode of he-man or something, it's actually very frightening! Maybe I'm hoping for a miracle. Maybe these words have already been said, maybe my dream has been long dreamt. But, let's nurture within ourselves and within our community. Before we can expect society to look at us equally, society should see the ENTIRE gay population. Just not a few here and there. There are different kinds of gay people, some people don't understand that. Its up to individuals to make that difficult but attainable transition within society.
I watched an interview w/ Bill Clinton and he was discussing homosexuality and gains homosexuals have made under his administration. His reasoning for all the gradual movement, was the fact that gays are coming out. People are starting to run into gays in the workplace, at school, in all aspects of society. People finally think individuals when they think gay, not a whole stereotypical image that surrounds homosexuality. People are dealing with the consequences, and being proud. In light of such actions, we are making vital strides in our various quests. If EVERYONE comes together, our results will be ten times as better(maybe more). Maybe I'm just a naive kid from PA, who doesn't have a firm grasp on so called reality. Nevertheless, I'm venting my frustrations on you people. All of this poop just makes me heave my Christmas cookies guyz! ~which were FAB btw~
~~thats my whole point in this seemingly endless blabber. Everyone come out for heavens sake!! There are few circumstances that should hold a person from coming out. This is the only way guyz. Remember sacrifice?? Trust me, there will be a lot of pain, crying, and possibly rejection. But how can you live a lie? Even if someone is totally rejected, our "community" should play a supportive role. Is rejection from people that must not care THAT horrible? Be realistic, and for God's sake be true to yourself. Remember that its YOUR life! Aye yae yae! My mother and I don't really talk, and my father disowns me because of my preference. Yet, through all of this crap, I am positive I made the RIGHT choice by coming out. If another teen comes out in my school their situation will be BETTER because of MY sacrifices. That, in my opinion make the comments, rejection, and tears I have shed, WELL worth it. Save your excuses, the depressing stories. are we going to overcome the challenges we face in 2000, or are we going to be overcome by our own kind? Thousands upon thousands conquer everyday, are you? Peace Guyzz
One a HAPPIER note! I got my acceptance letters for college! Rah! Rah! Rah! Is anyone else thinking about IUP or Point Park? Well, have a GREAT January! Please email me! firstname.lastname@example.org
Or IM me! Tobii99
Lotz of Love!
PS~I am truly sorry if I have offended anyone. Like captain planet saysTHE POWER IS YOURS! how awesome was that show? *Muuah* bye yas