February 2000

Mike Who? Oh Yeah, I Remember That Guy

I think I remember his lame excuses too…

Yes, I am finally able to get back to Oasis. The months of November and December are especially tough in terms of getting columns out. December’s deadline is November 15, which just happens to run into term-paper season and on to turkey day. January’s deadline is December 15, which just happens to run into the holiday shopping rush. All in all, a rough time to be spending extra time at the keyboard. Anyway, I’m happy to be contributing again.

I’m especially glad to see how many people are writing for this past January’s columns! I think it’s great to have fresh columnists in the mix. It’s always pleasing to have different views, writing styles, and stories to read. I get tired of the same old stuff (read: crap).

Free Association Nonsense

College is fun. Fun is college. I can read. I can go to class. I can learn. I can learn Spanish. Spanish is hard. Grammar is hard. I don’t know English grammar. How can I learn Spanish grammar? Sentences are complex. English is complex. I like English. I like to write. I like to write complex English. I try to write complex Spanish. I cannot write complex Spanish. This annoys me. Spanish annoys me. I am studying Spanish. College is fun.

Deep Thoughts

Simple Pleasures for a Southern Boy

Mike’s Words of Advice

1. Never take central heating for granted.

2. Get yourself a hobby to fill your time well before you begin contemplating whether Cousin Itt has a hairy back.

Question of the Month

As you all well know, I wasn’t able to post the findings of my survey from November. Truth be told, I don’t exactly remember all the responses, but the general consensus was that most people find those around four years their younger attractive. For example, if you were 25, you would like the late teens/early twenties. Of course this isn’t blanket. Nothing is if you really think about it.

Now on to this month’s:

Should there be something invented to protect the nuts during sex? Condoms protect your willy, but if herpes can be contracted by physical contact and the nuts generally like to hang low, what’s to prevent the rest of the tackle from getting the disease?

There shouldn’t be any cries of discrimination from the female sex about this. I feel it has equal implications in the bisexual world or, if they are lesbian, their lover having prior heterosexual activity. Yeah, yeah, it’s gross. Quick, somebody create a rating board for Oasis! We cannot allow the youth of America to be corrupted! As always, send me your opinion at the address below.

Time Spent Reading This Column: 7min45sec

Thanks for spending the energy on my column. I promise, they get better as I get deeper into the semester. During the summer months, well, we won’t go there. Drop me a line, anyone, anytime. I always read and respond to my emails, no matter how intoxicated I am.

Until next time,



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