February 2000

Hi guys and girls...

This has been the most fucked up/worst month of my life. As you read in my last column, I met a wonderful guy, we hit it off well, blah blah blah....Well, it wasn't like that at all. He was actually a compulsive liar, a sociopath, and very closeminded. Great, yea, that was my boyfriend. I just found out he has gotten a girl pregnant and gotten back with his ex-boyfriend that he DESPISED. What a life.

On the 8th, a very close friend of mine was murdered. This was a low blow to my senses, basically knocking me down and turning me and my friends into a basket case. She was stabbed repeatedly and had her house set on fire. She died 15 minutes after they pulled her out of the house. The murderer has not been found, but they have questioned the hell out of all her close friends. All I can say about this is that I barely sleep, eating is a just a memory, and saying goodbyes and goodnights lasts an hour.

I told the boy I have been in love with for almost 6 months that I am in love with him. Rejected. He pulled the typical "we are way too good of friends to do that" line. That fucked my world up even more.

I got rejected from IU as well. That was the end right there, the realization that my life is going nowhere. I'm sure the main reason I didn't get accepted was because of my horrible grades this year, due mainly to all the stuff that has kept my mind off school work.

My life is pathetic, something has to give........



Soundtrack of this month: Fiona Apple. Alanis Morrisette. Ani DiFranco. Mazzy Star. Garbage. Lush. R.E.M.

P.S. Please write me, anyone, just remind me that there is life beyond this hellhole town.

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