February 2000

What everyone's been waiting for (yeah right): Submission II from The Wanderer!

Well, kids, what can I say? Life in the everlasting inferno, AKA The Bible Belt, is the same as usual. I go, like a zombie, from class to class, putting on a front. I try hard, get good grades, and have several "friends" here. (For those of you who don't know, I just moved to this town and, being the close-minded place it is, I use the word "friends" with quotation marks is because I know none of them would accept me if they knew of this one aspect of my life.) I remain silent about who I am, although, I will stand up for others who cannot defend themselves from the foul words of their egocentric peers (whether they're being tormented because of their race, sex, sexual orientation, disabilities, or whatever-that's just the way I've always been.)

It's difficult having to be silent about this aspect of my life. It's like trying to hide the fact that I'm female or that I have a certain hair color. Although I do have a good many "friends" here, I can't feel as though I belong. My true friends are hundreds of miles away but, thankfully, I remain sane by keeping in touch with them. I just hate the fact that there's no one here I can trust-no one here who would accept me as I am-simply because of one part of my being, which happens to be as natural as having two lips upon my face, is considered "evil," "lustful," and "sinful" by the majority of those who live here.

I keep telling myself that I can take care of myself and that I can weather whatever happens to me, which is true. What really gets to me, however, is when people recite their ignorant verses in the proverbial song that is life towards entire GROUPS of people. Say what you will to me and I will survive, but insult and hurt those who have done nothing to spark such hate, and I will speak out. And I want to speak out. Oh God, how I want to speak out! But what can I say? I'm at a point in my life where I can't take one false move. If my parents find out, I'm gone. If my "friends" find out, the whole town will know within a matter of days (it doesn't matter that I don't know most of the people who inhabit this town-they thrive on any gossip they can find.) If people I respect (and who respect me-i.e., teachers, administrators, etc.) find out, then I lose all standing, all regard, all caring which has been held for me.

Oh, how I wish to be society's standard of "normal." Why are we shunned? Why are we hated? This hate is not like racism, sexism, or any other hate I've experienced. This is quite different. They think it's a choice. They think it's forced upon impressionable youth. What they, the "moral majority," don't realize is that they're wrong!! Who would choose to be gay? Not me. Not you. If it were a choice, who would choose it? Who wants to be hated? To be isolated?

But there is a great light at the end of the tunnel. I believe in a God. I believe this God will take care of me. I have been a good person, never wishing harm upon anyone else, never partaking in petty, hurtful actions towards others. I do charity work, not for a good resume, but for the feeling it gives me to help others. Against my parents wishes, I do this work! I will be alright. I WILL be taken care of when my time comes. This is what keeps me going.


"The Wanderer"

Feel free to use this address if you have questions/comments: The_wandering_one@bigfoot.com

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