March 2000

I seriously do not like school.

Day in, day out, it's the same question from fellow students-

"Are you gay?"

Being afraid to "come out" in my small town, my answer is ALWAYS no.

I KNOW people wouldn't take to kindly with going to school with a gay kid, and furthermore I don't think the parents of the students would be either. Community backlash, even if not an organized one, is inevitable.

I honestly don't see why homosexuality is still looked down upon. It's the last great prejudice that we, as a society, have to overcome. We've come a long way in the last few decades, but still not as far as similar social issues, such as civil rights. I can honestly only see one "problem" with homosexuality; it doesn't allow the perpetuation of the species. But in ratio of heterosexual to homosexual people, that really isn't a problem, the human race will get along just fine considering the slim number of gay people in the world.

Being gay is such a small part of the person I am as a whole, I don't know why it has to be such a huge issue with so many people. There seems to be an obsession for talking about homosexuality; which comes from either true fascination, or boredom (I'd vote for boredom). Some people truly have nothing better to do than, which is terribly sad. They harass homosexuals because they're easy targets. Homosexuality is a difficult thing to defend. There are things considered "good", and things considered "bad" by society; homosexuality, unfortunately, seems to be one of those things that is considered "bad". In High School, I cannot think of a worse possible situation than being gay. It makes you stick out in the crowd. It's not considered "cool" or "fashionable".

Just talking in casual conversation with some of my friends about this topic I've learned that many of my males acquaintances believe that somehow having a gay person around will turn them gay as well. This is truly a ludicrous idea. You CANNOT change a person's sexuality. You can repress the behavior, but not the urges. I don't care what anyone says, I don't believe that it can be done. It's simply unethical, and immoral to do such a thing.

I suppose the reason that straight males feel insecure around gays is because they have slight homosexual feelings, which they restrain by convincing themselves and others how "straight" and "masculine" they are. Being brought up in our society, I'm not surprised one bit that a straight male would feel this way.

Coming out is a difficult process (so I've heard). I want to be ready to prepare for the repercussions of my decisions when I decide to come out, not "if" I decide to come out, for coming out will happen sooner or later. If I can be sure of one thing, it is this.


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