March 2000

Hola boys and girls! It is I, the jeffie, here to babble at you once again :p heh - excited are we? Trust me, I can tell.... HEY HEY!!!! Both hands on the keyboard please...

Annnnnnnnnnyway, life is going very peachy right now, thank you oh so much for asking!

So, how depressing was everyone's valentines day? I certainly had a good time.... well.. maybe not. Here's a stupid question... let's say there's this guy, and we'll call him Jeff, and there's this other guy who doesn't have a name - we'll call him "guy" for now. On to the question... You're in Guy's car, driving around little old Chatham. You know that there is mutual feelings between both of you. You make little hints, but he just doesn't seem to pick up on them? Do you become overly blunt and say "UNZIP, NOW!" or do you sigh and fall asleep?

Ladies and gentlemen! I am plagued by this question.... well, maybe not plagued, but it pissed me off enough to write about it... anyway... My decision was to ignore it and move on with my life.

Which reminds me.... time for more complaining. How many more of you live in small cities and realize that there are no cute skatefags or butch guys, or flamy little queens that are 'oh so cute?' I'm feeling so alone again, and I'm just looking forward to that day when I'm holding my high school diploma and moving away to Uni. in London or Waterloo, or MIT :P heh.. right.

Okay.. so, as I said, life is peachy, and except for the fact that I lost my debit card AGAIN, I'm pretty content. I've started writing some music, which I have compressed into .mp3 format... Considering that I have NO musical background (or talent) at all, I am quite proud of myself. One of my AmEEEErican friends submitted it to his friend Scott, who happens to be a DJ, and Scott liked it! WHOO HOO! I'll have those files available soon for anyone that wants to listen to em. Just send me off an email (address found at end) and ask!

Thinking of debit cards, let's take a flashback *DISSOLVE* Jeff's shopping at his favorite Le Chateau store in Windsor. He has moved to the front counter where he proceeds to use his debit card to purchase the 600 dollars of clothes he just pulled off all the racks. He swipes the card, types he PIN number **** and hits OK. The girl at the counter giggles, and tells me that I have insufficient funds. "INSUFFICIENT FUNDS!" Jeff barks! "BULL!". He walks out of the store to the nearest payphone, where Scotiabank tells him that the debit services are currently DOWN. After more barking, Jeff no longer has money to buy gas, clothes, food, or good marks. Lesson is.... DO NOT depend on your debit card - carry cash. BTW... Scotiabank did have awesome customer service, and got the problem fixed. IT was just a story I remembered about debit cards.

Yeah, so... I also went to semi on the 11th - it was fun, and I got to wear this AWESOME suit that was duo-tone black and blue, and it looked really neat, and everyone was feeling it! Hehe... I've got pictures that are on my website, or should be by the time you read this that you can go see of me and my friends at semi. (Again, see end of article)

OOOH! Almost forgot - SONG OF THE ... MONTH? Yeah well, you could also call it "Jeff's favorite song right now type thing. By: Jeff Shaw". The song pick this month is... Stars on 54 - If You Could Read My Mind. Not only relaxing, but this is part of a soundtrack from one awesome movie, incidentally titled "54"! mmmmmm Ryan Philippe without a shirt and in really tight, high cut shorts... YEAH BABY! If you could read MY mind! Heh.

Attempting not to be repetitive, I simply cannot wait for TORONTO PRIDE THIS YEAR!(&$#@ AHHHH!!! Why does it have to take summer SOOOOOOOO long to get here? I'll have TONS of pictures for you all, let me tell you. One of the biggest events all year, and it's almost right in my back yard! If you read back in some of my articles, you'll see the one where I get really excited and I blab on incessantly about how fun my trip to Gay Day at Wonderland was. Hehe - well, go read it! And if you're in Ontario, then you better be AT PRIDE this year, and then maybe we can all meet up or something and have one big oasismag get-together! It would be cute! We could have Latés! Uhmm.. right..

Anyway. I'm feeling sex deprived. Sorry, scratch that. I'm feeling LOVE deprived... Anyone wanna audition to be my boy?? I'll be taking resumés in 5 minutes :p HEH! I sound like someone who is trying to get people for a cheap porno flick... Not that I would know what a cheap porn flick is, but... uhmm .. yeah.. anyway..


I would just like to point out to everyone that 7-11's watermelon slushies RULE, but don't drink them if they're melted. Yucky.

This may seem stupid, but.... does every single gay person have to have at least 1 body part pierced? What's up with that? I don't have anything pierced (though I'm thinking about it), mainly because I could not stand the pain. EEEK. I just wonder sometimes if it's some special ritual that you must go through to be considered TRULY gay or something. I figured the diesel dykes would do that kinda stuff, but.. I dunno.... Just call me blonde....

Have I managed to insult every single person reading this just yet? If not, I'm working on it! hehe.... Ya'll know I'm just kidding and being a little freak like I always am.

I was watching one of those "speaker's corner" shows, where people can come up and have their views and opinions recorded on tape and then maybe later played back on the local crappy TV station. Anyway, there was this one part that struck me as kinda important. An obviously homeless man came up to say that we should "...look at the squeegie kids. They're out there with their pails of water and their squeegies. Why doesn't the government just leave them alone? They're out there trying their best to work." And I think that this is an important view. These kids are out there on the street trying to make a buck to stay warm, and the Canadian government still finds it necessary to pick them off the street and throw them in prison. While this is going on, MY tax money along with everyone else's is going into some fund to help some white trash piece of crap who drinks all day and is totally dependent on Welfare. So... in my humble opinion, we need to take a serious look at ourselves as Canadians (which most of you probably aren't, so just pretend to be so, and be patriotic. You can come to our country, have some beer and play some hockey) and realize that we are just hurting the people who are trying to make a decent living and we are simply promoting laziness and stupidity.

So.. in review... Leave the damned squeegee kids alone! They're trying dammit, and for god's sake, some of them are pretty cute!

Thank you all for reading my ramblings, and if you've read this far, I'm happy that you've actually been able to follow my incoherence and understood some of what I've written.

Stay beautiful, and thanks again for reading


Jeffie is a fat, ugly, hairy Canadian bear. HA! Fooled you. He's actually a 17 year old who lives in Chatham, Ontario, Canada. He likes to write music, although he has no musical background. He also likes to write articles, although he has no writing background either. He would like very much that you email him if you have the time, because he loves getting input from his readers. You can also send him pictures of your cats, because Jeff loves cats, and you can send him pictures of your cd collection, or your stuffed bear, or anything you like. You can also see his pictures by clicking here or email him at: oasis@shaw.8m.com

Stop reading now.




No - see, the article is over. You should stop reading.




You're still here?

Okay.. just stop it right now.



That's it.. fine.. I'll just stop telling you that this is the end of the article then.

.... Don't make me come over there and make you my prison bitch!

I give up....

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