Jonathan P.

March 2000

Children raised by gays

I've avoided this topic for various reasons, some personal some political, but mainly because I didn't really have a view on it. But after sitting on my stairwell for a good hour listening to my parents drone on about gay marriages and having kids, I've suddenly become inspired enough to tell you my opinions on them, what few they are.

First off, I oppose gay couples from adopting or raising children in the 21st century period. At least for the time being, the topic is far too sensitive and most times kids will get messed up enough in this world already, the last thing they need is a society that looks down upon and discriminates against their parents. The specific goal of any adoption agency is the welfare of the child. I (as an adoption agency) could not place a child with a gay family for fear that the child could and probably would be harassed and their life made miserable.

My life in high school was made miserable enough because I was openly gay. If being openly gay gets that much harassment and vengeance from teachers, administrators, students, and everyone in between, then by making the parents a target for the abuse would only further damage the situation.

I commend Dan Savage (http://www.thestranger.com/current/savage.html) for deciding to raise a child with his boyfriend. But is Dan Savage an exception just because he makes his living giving advice to gays and helping a lot of us through our disorganized lives? Maybe... I've thought often about Dan Savage and his decision to raise a child in a Gay relationship. What will happen to the child 10 years from now? How will the child interact with society? Will he be gay? It is a boy by the way and I should stop speaking of him like a computer program.

I worry about the child mostly. I'm afraid of him (or her!) as I am afraid of every homosexual human being who is thrusted into the world of hatred and vengeance. I'm constantly reminded of Matthew Shepard, Brandon Teena, and myself in everything I think about. What happened to them, and me, could happen to a child raised in a gay family. Maybe the child is straight, maybe he isn't but it wouldn't matter.

When gay parents raise a child, the parents in the long run can and probably will become the targets of the hatred that the world holds for gays. What if when the child gets older, they begin to resent their gay parents because they don't want the world to look on them the way they would their parents. Lemme break that down into a simpler form:

The child might hate their parents because their parents could become a source of torment for them. A white spot to punch on and pick at. I often think of a girl I saw an article on A&E about. She lives with her mom and her moms partner in Colorado; they might've moved by now. People at school found out she had two "moms" and began to hate her for it. One day while getting off the bus, a boy ran up to her and began punching her in the head. When asked why, he explained it was because her parents were gay.

What the hell is wrong with people?!

This is why I would never consider raising a child in a gay family. Maybe in the next millennium if the world came around to its senses, maybe then could gay families raise children of their own. I think a child raised in a gay family would have at least one advantage: they would look on everyone in the world with an open mind. They would see the way the world treats their parents, when all they look at is their sexuality, and thus use that experience in their day to day life. Almost reminds me of the way Martin Luther King Jr. saw the world. Blacks, reminded of how they were treated before, will treat others differently. The golden rule applies here in a way. Do onto others and you would want them to do to you. By having gay parents and growing up understanding that just because someone thinks differently, acts differently, or loves differently than you, is no reason to harass, torment, or cause them pain.

I can't imagine what someone else might go through because of their sexuality, or because of a situation they're in. My life was made miserable because of the hate others felt for my sexuality. A local boy whom I've never met, but have heard much about, fits in a bad predicament. He is gay, openly in fact, and his brother absolutely hates him. His brother refuses to talk to him, be near him, or even sit down at the dinner table for a meal with him. It's that bad.

Nathan who goes to my alma mater (whom I spoke about in February's article) was nearly killed when his brother tried to slit his throat for being gay! Every day he wakes up and looks at himself in the mirror. And everyday the long ugly scar down his throat will remind him of the hatred that exists in the world.

In closing I can only say that I am worried. Maybe I'm blowing everything out of proportion and don't understand the whole spectrum of raising a child in a gay family. But I'm gay, I am human, and I've see first hand what the world can and will do with the likes of me. I can only hope and pray....



"an injustice anywhere, is a threat to justice everywhere." Martin Luther King Jr.

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