April 2000

Since I wrote last, well, a lot has gone on. I graduated from KU, moved to the San Francisco bay and obtained employment at a wonderful Internet company. The downside of all this is that my boyfriend is still in school back in Kansas.

I understand love songs now. My whole soul aches because he is five million miles from me, the overwhelming poignant anguish of this blue long distance brings my tears on silver, I treasure them; they are the children of my love. We have been together for eleven months; apart for two. I dream the same dream he does, that he is next to me, warm, soft, beloved. I wake and my arm is wrapped tight around my pillow. Slowly, I have drenched a corner with saltwater, turning it a darker shade of blue.

I think to myself that when he moves here we must have satin sheets, down pillows, a waterbed.

I cry when I listen to 'flowerz'; reminded of everything that he brought out in me, like my heart had been trapped inside for all my life, finally let outside, sunny, breathing in long jagged breaths the brilliant open air for the first time. Being apart, me on the west coast, he still in Kansas brings sublime and beautiful realizations about what he means to me, what his love means to me, what my life means to me. This is what I have always wanted, what I have needed my entire life to be free.

Write Andrew at andrew_ks@yahoo.com

I love e-mail!!!

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