April 2000


"You're a closeted heterosexual," my friend Carl said again.

"No, I'm not," I replied.

It was a typical day in the cafeteria. I was sitting with my friends for lunch before class. We were having our usual talks about things like comics, movies, girls, guys...Xena. Carl couldn't quite get last night's Xena out of his head.

"You can't say that Gabrielle in the go-go suit didn't get to you!" Carl continued. "You talked about it all night."

I had to agree with him. Lately, I've had an infatuation with Renee O' Conner on Xena. Her newfound liberation and comfortableness with her body has intrigued me to weird reactions.

"I like how her character has been developed," I said.

"Yeah, right," Carl said.

"You know that I'm gay," I replied.

Then I realized that that was the first time I've said it without a whisper or hesitant tone. I said it clearly.

I said I was gay.

Lately, it seems like that had been in doubt. One jerk too many. Work has pretty much made my life so routeful that I don't even think of it much. The whole Gabrielle thing.

Somewhere along the way, I guess I turned inward and found love for myself. I do feel comfortable with my feelings in a way I haven't in a while. I like it.

I'm gay, I thought in my mind in the aftermath of what I said. And God, did I feel good!


Thoughts, comments, and Renee O' Conner sayings can be sent to aob999@goplay.com.

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