May 2000

The one thing that strikes me as I sit here tonight, is just how lonely I feel. I am so completely and utterly alone that I just want to cave in. The thought sounds like a welcome change. Isn't that sad? I wish I could just grab the person that I want, kiss them, hold them, love them-and finally feel... contentment? I suppose.

Funny thing about this chick-she's straight. Well, I guess they're all straight. Actually, to be honest, I'm not sure what she is. In fact, I don't even think I could make an accurate guess. I don't even think she really knows. She doesn't fit into categories... I respect her enormously for that. She doesn't feel she has to.

There's alot to be respected about her. She's incredibly warm-meaning she's open emotionally, and she gives the best mental hugs around. She's strong-sometimes I think she's the strongest person I know. She's beautiful-inside and out. Then of course, there's the fact she can be as cold as ice if she doesn't like you that day. She's selfish alot of the time. She barely notices she hurts me on a daily basis. In fact, for someone who is my "best friend", she barely notices me period. When we're alone, its like we're floating on air. When we're with other people-everyone is more important than I am. God forbid, there's someone she "wants" anywhere nearby. I couldn't matter less.

But she doesn't know she does it. At least, I hope she doesn't.

But sitting next to her is the loneliest feeling in the world-because you never feel lonelier than when you're sitting next to someone you can never have.


Love, Chance.


PS-I am a rather pathetic individual who lives off of the compliments and criticisms of others-thus you should write me, and help me find some happiness. Please?

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