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Edwin

May 2000

Hey world!

This is my first in what I hope to be a monthly submission. First, a little about me. I am an 18 year-old Engineering student located in the Niagara Region of On-tario, Canada. I have only been out for about 2 months now, and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me!

This article is mainly on my experience of coming out. First, I must thank those who helped me realize truly who I am. My deepest and most sincere thanks go out to Jeff, Shevon, Gregory, Dan, Heather, Sally, and Marc. I could not have done this without their help and support- Thanks, you guys rock!

I first asked myself "Can I really be Gay?" about 3 years ago. I never really paid too much attention to that. Roughly a year later, I met Marc. He was a Grade 11 student at my high school. He was the first person I could ever open up to, and truly be myself. Incidentally, he also became the first male I had feelings for. I tried dropping hints to him that I have feelings for him, and by all indications, he was not gay. This was fine with me, as we were the best of friends at the time. Unfortu-nately, due to circumstances I am not about to air in public, we don't speak any-more, which really kills me. Then I met Sally.

Sally was my first, and only girlfriend. We went out for about a week or so. Sally is a very sweet young woman, and I still talk to her whenever I get the chance. She gave me a piece of advice that I will never forget: "Use your heart, not your head." I have lived my life on this advice, and it has never done me wrong. When we were seeing each other, I realized that maybe I am gay, so we ended the relationship.

After Marc and I had our fight, I was emotionally dead. It stayed this way for well over a year. This brings me to January of this year (2000). Due to reasons I cannot disclose, I was suspected of some things, and was brought up on charges of public mischief. These charges are still in the court system, so I cannot discuss them further. During my time in jail (all of 3 days), I never stopped thinking about Marc and the good times we had. It was when I was released that I just KNEW I had to be gay. I then discovered, purely by accident, #gayontario on Undernet.

I must say that the people on there are some of the nicest people I have EVER met. Of them, Jeff was the first person I really talked to. He was also the first per-son that I was able to open up to, after the Marc saga. He helped me truly realize, once and for all that I was gay, and that it is okay to be gay. Because of what he has done for me, I will be eternally grateful for him, and he will forever hold a special place in my heart. I am on #gayontario seemingly every day now. If you find your-self on-line, my nick is "b_boy", or some variation thereof. Stop in and say hi!

Ever since meeting Jeff on-line that day, my life has been nothing but great. I don’t have to lie to anyone anymore. I have since came out to my friends. They were nothing but COMPLETLY supportive, even those who I thought would not be. I have yet to come out to my parents, but I am sure they already know. My message to anyone thinking about coming out: Do it–it will be the greatest thing you have ever done–I promise!

Anyway, I have probably gone way over my quota for space this month, so I’m gunna shut up for now. I hope you enjoyed my first submission. I always love hearing from people, so if you have any comments, or would just like to say hi, you can reach me at: oasis@phone-guy.8m.com. I also have a web-site which you can find at: http://phone-guy.8m.com

Thanks!

Edwin


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