Hi everybody. I got a lot of great feedback from a lot of people on my article from last month, so I decided to write another one. We'll see what this one turns out.
This time, the article is going to be focused on pretty much one thing; the little dilemma that I'm facing right now. You guessed it: boy troubles. It's not as if I go looking for these things to happen, but they often do. Woe is me!
Anyhow, I was recently in a play sponsored by a local church (a really good one, too; sold out every night and standing ovations every night, too). And Andrew Lloyd Webber is just fab. Alas, I digress. I was in the pit band for the play, and there I got to know one of the instrumentalists. We'll call him Ted. Ted is a very talented musician who plays three different instruments that I know of, and he can play them well. I'd really rather not tell you the instrument, just because I'm still VERY paranoid about some things (like getting outed by people reading this that I may know; talk about being a Drama Queen....), but just know that he is great at his instrument.
Well, Ted happens to be a very nice person to be around. I think he's really cute, my best friend, he's bi, thinks he isn't so cute. Ted is just an overall good guy, and I kinda fell for him. I knew that he was a jazz player, and so we decided that we should gig together. As I write this, that is still in the works.
The bottom line: I want Ted because he's a good person first and foremost, he's a jazz musician (which is always a big plus), and he's cute too.
This isn't the end of my tale of woe...not by a long shot. In the chorus, there was this other musician who played one instrument and sang; he did both exceptionally well. Overall, he's a better musician than Ted. By a long shot. Ted is very good, but this person, whom we'll call Ryan, is much much better. He's my age (17) and he's in a local symphony, and is involved in lots of things like that. Ryan and I got to know each other about the same time Ted and I did, maybe a little later. Ryan is just a super person to be around, and again, he plays jazz as well. We spoke of gigging together, also. That's still in the works.
The bottom line: Ryan is a super fab dude with an outstanding personality and incredible talent. And (promise not to laugh)...but he has perfect pitch (the ability to hear notes and instantaneously recognize the exact note by its name [G# for example]). I don't know why, but that's kind of a turn-on (I'm so weird).
I would really like to make good friends with these two if anything. I'm hoping something more could / would develop, but the feasibility of that has yet to be determined. Like the song says, "I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast..." Well, that's me alright. In this medium, I really can't discuss all the things that draw me to these people; unfortunately, all the things that I have listed here may seem a bit superficial. Just keep in mind that I'm not only drawn to them because of these things - there's so much more. For me, personality has always been the first thing I look for, even though it may not seem like that sometimes.
This is where I need some advice from you guys and/or gals. Although I really can't go up to them and say, "You know, I really like you," at least not in the way I'd like to tell them, I would like to try SOMETHING. What I want is really simple; first, a good solid friendship. That would be very valuable to me from the both of them. But then, should I put the feelers out to see if there's anything more that could come from this relationship?
...and before you say, "Oh that horny bastard, all he wants is sex!" I just want to let you know that sex isn't what I'm after at all. Although I've been in a very unsuccessful closet relationship, there were lots of good things that came out of it too, and one of those things was the companionship. Until recently, I just didn't realize how emotionally starved I was for companionship of this kind. I know there are a lot of people that are in a similar position; their current circumstances just don't allow for them to be in the relationship that they would like to be involved in. It's really very sad that people have to be afraid about this kind of thing; loving whom you choose while having to look over your shoulders to make sure gay bashers aren't after you.
In any case, looking at things realistically, I don't think that anything but a friendship would be possible with these two gentlemen, and as I said before, that's alright. I would love to have two more good friends that I could be around and talk music with, play some great songs with them, and enjoy their company. You can never have enough of those friends as far as I'm concerned. However, for once, I would like to be with someone that I really cared for and to just hold them, be with them, and experience something that all my other friends experience everyday at school; loving another person that loves them the same way that they love them.
Again, I digress. I would like to know what you think about this whole thing. Am I wasting my time? Should I even bother finding out if they're gay or not? Should I just wait? What should I do? Should I...?
You see, there's so much to this situation. I would like some input from some clear(er) thinking individuals about this little situation. Comment on the whole thing, parts of it, or none at all (I prefer you not do the latter, however). My E-Mail address is: Mike_17@gay.com I always enjoy hearing from people, and always do respond. Thanks for reading this, and always feel free to chat with me:
E-Mail address: Mike_17@gay.com
Until next time, take care of yourselves, and God bless!
Mike is a 17 year old, semi-closeted individual living with his mom and stepdad. He is interested in music, computers, music, reading, music, writing, writing music, listening to music, composing music, arranging music, and other music related things. Mike enjoys feedback and would like to hear from you. Mike can be reached at the aforementioned E-Mail address and ICQ number.