Jonathan P

June 2000

May I kiss the groom?

I was talking to my friend in Florida the other night and jokingly he asked me to marry him. What does it mean to be gay and get married? Currently there is only one state allowing Gay marriages: Vermont. In Nov. of 1998, voters in Hawaii ratified the constitutional amendment permitting legislature to restrict marriage to opposite-sex couples. So, it's Vermont or nothing. So if we can only get married in one state, what have we got to lose? I feel the gay population of Vermont increasing dramatically. But do we really want to get married, and if so, why?

Another friend of mine here in Georgia is dating an older man. The older man is around 27 and wants to settle down. The younger one is around 18. He wants to explore more relationships and isn't sure if he wants to settle down in a relationship. I'm 19 and I'm not entirely sure I would want to get married at such a young age, unless I could be sure the person I was getting married to was the right one for me.

I've found that most young people don't want to get married. They would much rather get out in life and experience it a little before they get tied down in marriage. On the other hand, many older gays would like to settle down and get married. Part of them have already experienced the best life can give them, another part is tired of living single, and the last small fraction have some fear of being lonely in their older years. I met a gay couple in California last year that has been married for forty years. They met in 1961 at the age of twenty, back when being gay was not so happy to be. They met, dated a short time, and got married soon after.

When I spoke with my Florida friend over the weekend, he told me Rupert Everett was gay and against gay marriages. First off I had no idea Rupert Everett was gay and I'm curious as how the hell that one slipped past me! On my way to work today I got to thinking of why someone would want to be against gay marriages. True gays are the most promiscuous of any sexuality. True gays do have a lot of partners in their lives. But what prevents us from settling down and living out our lives like any normal couple? Is being gay supposed to be some different lifestyle with its own set of rules and options in life? Me thinks not.

I am all for Gay marriages. I was indifferent to it at first when I became acute of my sexuality. I thought, why get married and be tied down in the first place? But then as I thought about it more, I said why not get married and spend the rest of my life with someone I know.

My friend in Florida wants to have a wedding at Disney World. I said how about a judge in Vermont and a few brides maids. He relented. I'm currently saving for an apartment and when I do, I will send for this boy who asked me to marry him with a chuckle in his voice. My friend Bob told me not to jump into things, to think it out. After all my man is 16, seventeen in November, but he thinks like I do. His maturity level is far higher than any other sixteen year old I know.

In a way the marriage thing reverts back to my opinion on older gays, especially males. When they were young, they never really had the opportunity to spend time in a relationship. There life was mostly spent tossing back and forth between partners. Then when they got older, they somehow neglected to remember how a relationship works. Now don't get me wrong because I can see the hate mail flooding now. There are many, many older couples out there now who date, live, love, and spend all their days together, married or just happy the way they are.

My friend here in Georgia, the 18 year old one, wants to get out and experience life. His partner wants to settle down and have a nice happy home. I just want to find some love in my life. I asked my friend in Florida if he'd like to move in with me. We both talk for great lengths (thank god I have free long distance) about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. We share the same thoughts, finish each other sentences, and have the same outlook on life. I've never felt this way with anyone else before. I think we've truly got something going on here. I told him that when I get my apartment, I want him to come live with me. He agreed.

Who knows, if things work out you may see me getting married someday. What reasons could there possibly be for gays not to get married? In our giant quest to be seen as equal to everyone else, why not get married, share the benefits and love of marriage, and have families like everyone else? But I worry that gays my age aren't thinking about getting married. My age is where most straight couples think about getting married. But when it comes to gays, it couldn't be the furthest thing from their minds.

So please, anyone out there who has had any thoughts of marriage, young or old, please email me and tell me why gays should get married or why not. We're just the same as everyone else. We all the breath the same air, all feel the same pain, enjoy the same ocean breezes, and can all feel the tingle of grass under our feet. Being gay is a lifestyle and something in our hearts. I don't think its some banner we need to hold up and use as a factor in separating us. After all, we're all out for basically the same things: love, compassion, and a happy life...right?

I sometimes wonder if being gay means I'm special, that I don't have to marry and I can live a single life happily ever after. But then I run into the problem of loneliness. Now I don't know about the rest of you reading this, but even though I may enjoy solitude from time to time, I would really like some human contact in my life. Friendship and the need to feel like you have friends is a critical thing in life. This is from a person who use to go to great lengths to get and keep friends. I'm sure many of you have felt the same way, maybe not, but do we really want to live our lives in solitude? Come home every night and drop out keys on the table, the sound of metal against wood being the only sound in the place.

The decision is really up to you. I guess if you're lucky enough to be like Rupert and have the money and the lifestyle to live the way you want. I'm sure he has no problem with loneliness. But for the rest of us who survive on what we do for ourselves and ourselves only, a little companionship wouldn't be such a bad idea. I'm scared of that one day when I'll wake up in my midtown apartment, forty-five and all alone, no one to wake up and take a shower with. Nobody to comfort me when I'm down or hold me after a long nights work.

Go figure. I think sometime in the future we'll all be married, living happy and free, and able to marry in the homeliest of Mississippi churches.

Oh and by the way, when my friend in Florida asked me to marry him....I said yes.

"when you're standing in deep water / and you're bailing yourself out with a straw / and when you're drowning in deep water / and you wake up making love to a wall / well it's these little times that help to remind / it's nothing without love, love, love / it's nothing without love" - Jewel

Godspeed. Jonathan

I can be reach @ U2pop@home.com Also you can visit my web page if you're truly daring: www.geocities.com/simplicityrules

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