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Lincoln Ho

July 2000

Gee, I am a boring and repetitive person aren't I? Anyway, I've been doing quite well. Hope you all having a great time in your summer vacation. Remember that you'll be back at school soon enough, or at work, or whatever.

Anyway, I always come across a question even with my friends. They always ask me, "So, are you the guy or the girl?" Why do people need to know? What does that matter? Why does there always need to have two roles? I'd like to have a guy, that's why I'm gay, and I'm a guy as well. If I wanted a girl in a relationship, I'd get one.

Do people find us interesting specimens to talk about and evil if one suddenly likes them? I ask more questions than I could ever answer, but that doesn't mean that they will be left unanswered.

Again, I ask, Does being gay mean you must act feminine? I always come across surprised people that tell me I'm lying to myself about being gay because I act straight. Well hello, I'm not acting! This is reality. There is nothing that makes us different. But then again, if that is the fact, then what does make us fit in the homosexual category? By that then, you have a difference between people. Once there is a difference, you're automatically made a minority. Why is it always that way? Maybe there will never be an answer.

Now, enough of these questions and thoughts that involve deep thinking, my life has been great so far, why not share it as I have been before? Anyway (that word has got to be the most used word after "the"), June 10th was a very special and memorable day for me. It was annual inspection at cadets and following that was the banquet and dance.

Through the banquet and the dance, I spent the whole evening with one of my cadets that I like quite a bit. So as it goes, I was flirting with him and learning about him all through dinner. That was when he joked asking a question if I was gay. I said no first, then maybe, then yes. He actually didn't believe me and said that he would never have guessed in a million years. I told him, you can't guess.

After the meal, I spent most of the time on the dance floor dancing like a fool and not caring about what the others thought of my dancing. Some people came up to me and said that I was doing some weird moves, I just said whatever and continued on. Then, at around 11, I sat down by him and talked to him. I asked him to go out and dance instead of sit around and he said that he couldn't dance. So I told him that I'm the most idiotic dancer on the floor, no one else could beat that, I also couldn't stand it anymore and I told him I liked him and that I've been trying to hit on him. He just laughed and thought it was cool. Then he said that he thought that my dancing cool as well.

So, instead of returning to the dance floor, we went in search for a drink. The kitchen staff were gone and there wasn't a single water fountain in the building. We continued to explore the place and we ended up in the basement. The basement was another hall but this one was very similar to the one in Titanic, with the oval decorated mirrors and furniture on the side with a well designed floor. This hall was not lighted and the light from the hallway illuminated the hall up enough to walk in. The blasts of the music from upstairs shook the room so it seemed like the part where the ship was sinking.

After going into open doors and into restricted area, we decided to leave. With my conscience telling me that this was the special night, it took all my guts to ask him, "Can I dance with you?".

Then he said "Let's go up then."

I responded "Uh, are you sure?"

"Oh, do you mean slow dancing?"

"Yes" I replied shyly.

I was surprised when he said, "Let's do it right here then. Oh wait, that didn't come out right."

So as it goes, we went to one of the restricted areas for his and my protection and it was really weird for me. I didn't know where to begin, I was so excited but yet, I felt like a baby again, learning how to walk again. I looked at him and started to hold him close to me. It was the closest that I have ever been with anyone. It felt great, it was almost as if I was in love, but then, he was straight. Anyway, it was like years of pressure suddenly released through a few minutes with him. We danced through one song, well, it wasn't really much dancing. I held him close to me and it was a very emotional moment for me. It was so romantic and I never wanted to let him go. Then I moved my head down like I was almost kissing his neck, he is shorter than me. That was the best feeling ever. I closed my eyes and stayed like that.

The few minutes of romance (for me) was broken when we heard the sound of a door opening. We quietly and hurriedly sneaked out and found our way back upstairs. I thanked him a lot and he gave me his perfect attendance pin to me. I gave him mine and it was a symbol of our special mutual relationship. He told me that we could do it again if we were ever alone again and that I could have him until I had found that special someone for me. I told him that person was him. He laughed again and said that it was cool.

Since then, we've talked on the phone and I've become a friend to him and he to I. He doesn't mind receiving love letters for me and though I've kept that offer in mind, I haven't written him one as of yet.

Because I'm a Christian, I've now decided to use abstinence for the rest of my life. He may actually turn out to be that very close someone that I've always wanted to share my life with. But who knows, eh?

He said that everyone's got that special someone for them out there. I may still be waiting for him.

Lincoln Ho
http://i.am/lincolnho
neoanderson@canada.com
ICQ: 39421921


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