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Jeff

July 2000

HEY YOU!

Okay, hi, Jeffie now knows that you're reading his column because he's telepathic, so if you decided not to email him, he might decide to STOP WRITING his incoherent babbling whiney articles that complain too much about the fact that nobody emails him.

Anyway-I almost didn't get this article in on time-exams are running now and life is really hectic, so you'll have to excuse the fact that this article, along with all of my other articles, are kinda hard to follow. So yeah, that's what I said to him. Get that? MOVING right along.

I think I've decided on my fate-everyone always tells me that I have a "radio voice" whatever that is, and I love the internet-so what's better than INTERNET RADIO? Coming soon to an internet connection need you.. QUEER RADIO-With your host Jeffie, broadcasting outta a bathroom somewhere in the UK. I think it would be awesome, and I'm planning on attending courses soon at one of the best universities in Canada for Radio and Television broadcasting and then eventually start broadcasting over the net. I'd eventually like to open up my own club sometime-but I've decided that if I'm going to open up a club anywhere, it's gonna be in the UK. I mean, Canada is nice-but still close-minded-and the US is okay, but... I frankly don't need that many shootings in my bar. WHOOPS... did I just offend someone there? Put your guns down sweeties.

Anyway, yeah-I just figure the UK is much more open-minded that many places in the world, and so much good music, so much awesome fashion, and so many amazing things come out of that country (queer as folk, etc...) that it would be the ideal place for my dream club. I suppose I could go into the ideas behind what I want it to look like, but the only thing that worries me is that some guy with a lot of money is going to come along and read my Oasis column and make my club and I'll be ruined. So yeah.... call me paranoid, but I'm whacked.

SO.. JEFFIE HAS A BOY!! JEFFIE HAS A BOY! MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ARE YOU ALL EXCITED AND PROUD OF ME?! NO MORE BITCHING AND COMPLAINING! I promise, until I get dumped-then I'll be all over this column crying-I'm not looking forward to it, but it'll happen, and that's the creepy part.

So, can we talk about some of my latest addictions? Other than Chayne (my boi-I can't talk enough about him), I'm addicted to CERTS-I honestly think that they must have some kind of addictive ingredient in them or something. And this isn't the first time that this has happened. I remember that I used to volunteer at Science North in Sudbury doing all kinds of things like Imax hosting, theatre hosting, walking the science floors-it was a volunteer job that I loved and I always will-it just doesn't pay, and hence, the volunteering stopped. Anyway, yeah, while I was volunteering there, I became known as the Certs King, and my friend YanYing became known as the Certs Queen, and together, we controlled the Certs in the vending machine. Halfway through the summer, the machine started eating loonies (1 dollar coin) and not spitting anything out-you could imagine how this would frustrate the queen and king. Ironically enough, when anyone other than the Certs ADDICTS, who NEEDED Certs used the machine, it would pour out like 50 packs-the packs that WE, the Queen and King of Certs paid for. Anyway... that's my little ramble about Certs, and I find myself back at that point today, but I'm addicted to the little minty ones that come in the flat packs that are oh-so-stylish that fit in your pocket with no paper to rip through.

Does anyone know how they get the caramel into the Caramilk bars?

Other addictions-let's talk about Chayne some more. He's taller than me, and major beautiful-I love his hair, and his ears, and his eyes, and his tummy and his...... other parts. He's so cute, you wouldn't believe it. He's SOOOOOOOOOO good to cuddle with. I mean, I know guys that will hold your hand, and do that little rubbing thing up and down with their fingers then like stop after five minutes, but Chayne just snuggles with me for hours... And it's cute cuz we can't sleep without being entangled in each other somehow. And he's always warm, and he's got his tongue pierced (!!!) and he loves club music, and likes to dance. He's also got a sense of humour, and 4 personalities so far. He's awesome. He gets along really well with the mary group, along with people who aren't marys.

So-music pick this month-honestly, at this very moment when I'm writing that I have to say that Paul Oakenfold is one of THE most talented DJ's that's ever existed-if you're into stuff like Sash! and club music, you'll love this guy. He was at one of the raves here in Ontario in Toronto sometime earlier this year. If you get the chance to pick up an mp3 or listen to a CD of Paul Oakenfold-wow... you'll be amazed.

So, I'm also addicted to Kool-Aid and I don't know why either-it might be the sugar, or the addictive flavor crystals-I'm not sure, all I know is this.... No matter WHAT COLOR Kool-Aid you drink, your pee ALWAYS comes out yellow.

So.... my favorite bar has gone straight. It's kinda creepy to see a gay bar go gay friendly. Then again I can't complain much because I'm Underage and I was sneaking in anyway, but-it's weird. I mean, it's still a gay bar, just..... less gay. They never sold glowsticks before ME-and now they are. I dunno.... It's hard to describe, but the place has gone so straight that you can hardly kiss your boi in front of other people without them snickering... SO... this all relates... that's why I'm going to start my own club and my own internet radio station, cuz I'll play good music, and have a good place to dance.

I really haven't discussed pride too much in this article, mainly because I've only been to a couple pride events-I really didn't expect myself to be as busy as I am right now with school and everything-thank goodness that school is finally over and I'll be able to sit back and relax a little-only to be tortured more in 2 months.

I have attended one pride event so far, and that was in Windsor (Ontario, Canada)-I have to say that the pride committee really worked hard on what they did, but I don't think Windsor has much to be proud of. I mean, you would walk by gay people going into the bars there and say "happy pride!" and they would be like "whoa, it is pride, isn't it?". I guess that's Windsor for you-I dunno.... there's the bitchy part of my article.

Well... again, Jeff writes a shitty article because he didn't finish it by the deadline. He'll learn though-he used to write good articles, and he used to write in third person a lot, but then he started making a lot into one word, and his english teacher failed him.

I like pink pop.

I like boys.

PENIS PENIS PENIS!

Keep reading, stay gay, and dress warmly so you don't catch STRAIGHT! It's a scary disease. I almost caught straight once when I was young, but thankfully the doctors cured me of my disease.

Kay, yeah well.. bye :)

jeffie

You can write to Jeffie, because he has no life. He'd very much like for you to write to him.... his email address is geekboi@geekboi.com Oh yeah, and also, you can go and see his ugly horse face by clicking here. SO GO SEE HIM AND THEN WRITE HIM AN EMAIL SO HE KNOWS THAT YOU'RE READING! OR YOU MIGHT CATCH STRAIGHT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


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