August 2000

Is it really necessary?

Lately I've been poised with this question. I can almost blame it all on my friend Shevon. "Is it really necessary?" seems to be, for her at least, the question of the day.

I find myself running this question through my mind constantly as of late. I can walk down the street, notice someone doing something typically stupid or cliche, like speeding down Richmond St. with the windows open and their system up and ask; Is that really necessary?

I'm warning you now, this phrase becomes unbelievably addictive and is excruciatingly hard to remove for your vocabulary. Today, however, contrary to what you may believe, I'm writing to talk about something other than my consistent use of the phrase, "is it really necessary". I'm writing today to ask all the boys of the world, the following question...

Is it really necessary to take your shirt off at the bar and plague us all with your sweat droplets, your sexual frustration, your soaking chest hair and your need to look at your naked chest in the mirrors placed for all of us narcissistic gay boys?

I'm sorry, but the gay bar is already enough of a meat market. It's enough of a meat market to satisfy anyone's hunger, pardon the pun. I don't know if I'm the only one who watches all you shirtless boys, shaking my head. I just don't see why it's necessary, (that phrase again) besides the fact that it's hot as hell in there. But, I pose you with this question; Why is it that I can stand to leave my shirt on, but all of you boys can't?

Wait, before you answer, I have the right one. It's a little bit of what I call the "I would have sex with myself if I could," syndrome. Many gay boys have it, this is a true fact. The mirrors on the wall at the bar prove my point. You will notice that the boys who have their shirts off are either grinding with someone to show off their body, or dancing with a lusty, almost disgusting, "I want myself" look, in the mirror. I can only shake my head and laugh.

So, for all you boys who think that it's really necessary to take your shirt off at the bar, my answer is; No, it's not. And for all you boys who think you're turning the rest of the world on, including yourself, you're all alone in that game. Literally. I'm sure that I'm not alone when I say, KEEP YOUR SHIRTS ON!


Chris is a 20 year old full time student at Fanshawe college in London, Ontario. His neurotic obsessions include: thunder love and strawberries, stars above in wonder. Books wall to wall, the dust and the wind. The end and the beginning. Chris is currently single and is studying Graphic Design. You can reach him at lingerinsilence@bolt.com, or on ICQ with the number 7236303 and the word hello.

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