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Jonathan P.

August 2000

How's your sense of Darwin?

What's it like in the Queer world of love; what if Darwin had been gay?

I was sitting in this hokey self-help learning class in college, when we began talking about Darwin. I've got a very arrogant teacher. Sometimes I think he truly believes he's Darwin's son slash student. I rolled off my theory that the world is indeed a "survival of the fittest". But he, the wise college professor, cocked an eye to me and said "When I was younger I thought that way, but not anymore. I've grown up."

He spoke a little more on Darwin's theory on evolution and survival. It got me thinking and when I think, I think in the weirdest ways; I might tell you sometime of my Columbine thinking, story writing, and acting binge, but not today. I got to thinking on a very Q topic: What if Darwin had been gay!

If you've ever competed for love or friendship in your life, then you've succumbed to Darwin. I think being gay and living happy IS a form of Darwinism. How many times in your life have you fallen in love with someone, only to have someone else a little better looking, a little smarter, or a little bit richer, come in and force you out of the running game? Since we're all so similar in our thinking and the way we live, is there a more threat of survival in being gay than straight?

I'm from the old school of gay thinking. I want to meet a caring guy, decent looking, intelligent, quiet but a sense of humor, and able to express a love for me. With this guy (only in my dreams) we can live aside a golf course in the Carolinas in love and bliss, living out of our deep love for one another.

I think being gay in today's world is a beautiful example of survivial of the fittest. Think about it: we all breath the same air, we all have the same body parts, opportunites, and feelings. But what was it about the other guy that allowed him to win over the person you loved?

Fashion. I hate fashion with a passion. Fashion I think is what looks good on me. Right? Essentially fashion is a thinking of what YOU think looks good, not what someone else finds attractive, in style, or good looking. Being gay has played a large role in the fashion industry. They, the fashion industry, have realized that we're a lifestyle which strives on fashion and good looks. Being that we're all slaves for fashion, whether we believe it or not, we will respond to someone in better clothes or the nicest shoes, the sweetest cologne, or the brighest necklaces, rings, bracelets, watches and whatever else we can fit, stick, punch, pierce, weave, mold, blend into our bodies. So then it all boils down to fashion and a fever to look the best. Because as the saying goes: the clothes make the man.

How about looks? I've wondered why so many boys I know fret over having a good body. From not eating to just plain throwing it up, to working out and exercising to an exhaustive end, all trying to build the perfect body. We all realize we're in this battle for looks. Those of us who know we don't have the best body, the nicest face, or the best hair, already realize that we'll have to rely on ourselves, our ability to express love and whatever fashion we can produce. When we're the same, the same loves, thoughts, wants and needs and desires, emotions, senses, affections; when being Gay becomes a survival panic, then we have met Darwin's fag.

Straight people have it easy. There's just so many (too many perhaps) of them that the ability to find love, professional and emotional success, is relatively easy and care-free. But I don't think its the same for us. First we only have a select group to choose from. We have only our body and mind to work with, and sometines, if not most, we have to dive into the pool of boys (or girls; I love lesbians!) for bites, and fight our way to what we want. We're going to fight with our looks, our fashion and our money to be even recognized for the chance at happiness. It's why so many fags spend great amounts of money on clothes, cosmetics, health, or drugs! Because when your standing in a club of a zillion gay people, the music loud and the energy high, what will draw you to someone or vice versa?

I think some of you are starting to get my drift. We're all mammals, we LOVE the discovery channel, and we'll fight and compete for one of its basic, yet most complex ideas: LOVE.

My roomate accuses me of having no sense of fashion. I wasn't gifted like him to have someone buying me all the clothes and shoes I can stand. Thus, like a lot of others, I've grown up with just a basic idea of fashion, style, and color. If you can fight tooth and nail, spend all of your money on fashion, then you've accomplished the next basic step in the homosexaul darwinism.

Good looks. I've been harping on it for the longest time. Not that I'm complaining, I wouldn't mind having good looks or date somoene with them, but most of us will admit: without good looks, our chance of being noticed are dwindling. A lot of Gay teenagers can best be attributed to straight girls. They have the same demands as straight girls: money, looks, fashion and general appeal.

Through my travels on both highways, I'm always meeting gay people who are so up on their body. There's this one fellow I know name Brian. Constantly he is telling me he's going to work on his body. Or Jamie who's tried everything from tennis to lacrosse to get the best body. The truth of the matter is that we're all competent fakes. Those of who have good bodies and good looks were born with them. The rest of us are pretty much doomed to sit around talking about when we'll go work out or when we'll diet, or even when we'll by the medicine that'll clean up our acne or give us smoother skin. In someways we're fighting with ourselves. Not only are we fighting the grief, depression, but just the inconvience of not looking like a model; but we're always ever fighting our own survival, our own place in the world of limited capacity, love, friendship, relationships, and baby hump back whales. Unfortunaly, though, many generations will pass before the X gen realizes that hey, maybe good looks isn't all there is in looking for love.

If you've ever sifted through the personal ads (don't be scared, I have!) then you've probably seen the three F's. The three F's are: No fats, fems, or freaks. While writing this article, I got online on Yahoo to look this phenom up. Sure enough, out of 53 ads fitting my search parameters; 16-25, caucassion, Georgia, gay; 39 of those ads had some mention of the three F's. So right there all of the gay people who fit into one of those F's, will have to fight. They will either have to look harder than the rest, or fight with themselves to change. The law will always ring true: Looks will always attract looks, and money will always burn money. No wonder there are so many single or divorced gay people.

Survival in the rhelm of homosexuality. It's not a choice, it's not a team with a Q in the middle, nor is it a statement of life. Being gay is being alive. Ninety nine percent of us didn't choose this way of life. Am I still gay, or has my life's expectancy run its course and I don't have anything left to fight for?

Money. I will only say this on the money issue: Some of us got it, and the rest of us will continue to dream of having it. The quote "money cannot buy happiness" is complete bullshit. It'll buy gap, a porsche, and plastic surgery.

What advice do I have for the surviving the fight? None really. Concentrate on keeping out of the ring. Why fight it? We don't invent our nature and selves. They're handed to us with our pancreas, spleen, and everything else. For now in my life, I'm going to work to focus on me. Not stripping myself down and rebuilding, but living life the way it should be led: one day at a time. Maybe with enough personality and charisma, we'll all get noticed, do a sting on Jenny Jones, write a book...or two, and be happy ever after..... Anybody wanna run a marathon to save the rain forest?

If Darwin had been gay, I would be scared to see what the world would've came to. Would we have been classified as humans, apes...or Queens. You decide.....

-Godspeed

Jonathan

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