September 2000

"The Experienced Passion for Living"

This time suits me better then ever, I suppose. Most people's creativity thrives where there is anger, depression, or someone,(significant other/friendship) imparts creativity upon the artist. For me, this is a great time to look back, reflect a bit, and resume working my Voodoo upon the world, planning my next strike, stalking my next victim.

"Workin' for the Man"

If you could, would you truly want to experience the past few months I have? Exclusion/Emotion, Romance/Rage, Auditions/Abhorrance....a lot can happen in just a few months.. Several men later, and now...with an actual relationship that has me quiet happy, yet a tad depressed at times (Yes, Distance makes the heart grow FONDER), I have learned some things aren't just given to you...but they are sought out, and discovered...or in my case, recovered. Although a piece of myself was lost with those footprints that left for a trek north, I DID watch that piece shimmer, away from where it was needed most. The room, or more appropriate BOX, where I used to sleep in, with the hues of blue, blue, blue, (Skies, Oceans, Eyes, Crystal, Aquamarine), that stared blankly back at me offered no consellation years ago...but now, I still feel safe within these walls. And yes, as that man dressed in black with a cross bearing MY NAME walked away with the sun outlining his shiny gun, and the moon reflecting in his eyes, tipped his hat and said to me, "I can't stay in that room and neither can you." Well, I stumbled and fell in complete surprise...

The world knew who and what I was. I would rather stay, among friends, among Terra, Locke, my Many Final Fantasies, my Usagi-Chans, my Tori Amos, and all the other dreams that protect me from the criticism... I even peeked out from behind those oh-so-evil blue curtains into the world, and the sun beams struck my eyes, causing tears and momentary shock and pain to shiver down my spine. It just looks so tempting... I've been out in the world before, and seen things that make my heart skip a beat (sometimes 2), well, if I can take that first step, then so can anyone.

"Make believe."

I can step outside.


Screw the closet. My room could protect me. I had been "out" forever as Gay, but I didn't know if I can work my voodoo at that time...

And at that point..

I scrambled up, looked at the sky through the tears in my eyes, took his hand, and kissed him soundly. The Sun and Moon overhead spun out of control, and that Blue rose to a myriad.

Hey....My Voo Doo was workin.




Jesse is 17 and resides in New Jersey. He adores Anime, Utena, and worships Tori Amos, PJ Harvey, Bjork, and especially Kate Bush daily. Excelling at Artwork, Manga, and ballet/tap/Jazz/Fosse/Modern dancing, he loves culture and high-profile people. Much love to Ryan S.

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